What times we live in

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:15:09 GMT

I'm supposed to be working on my big essay due tomorrow. Instead, I'm doing a meme. Snagged from waterwheel

List 10 different fictional characters from any fandom(s) you like, and don't peek at the questions until you're done.

1. Morgana (Merlin)
2. Ned (Pushing Daisies)
3. Topher Brink (Dollhouse)
4. Quinn Fabray (Glee)
5. Lily Aldrin (HIMYM)
6. Temperance Brennan (Bones)
7. Harry Dresden (the Dresden Files)
8. River Tam (Firefly)
9. Zaboo (the Guild)
10. Billy (Dr. Horrible)

01. Would 4 (Quinn) make a good mom/dad?
I kind of hope so, considering that she's having a baby. :P I think she might be a bit neurotic, but she seems to be mom material, yeah.

02. If 2 (Ned) and 6 (Brennan) are marooned on an island together, do they kiss or kill one another?
Hm. I think they'd probably try to work a way to get off before they got around to the kissing or killing.

03. Describe 5 (Morgana) and 1 (Lily)'s first kiss.
Um, HOT.

04. How does 8 (River) convince 7 (Harry) to go with him/her on a date?
Oh, probably just say that she's in distress. Which, given how River-y River is, wouldn't take too much effort.

05. 10 (Billy) is moving in with 9 (Zaboo). What do they fight about the most?
Computer access, probably. Billy needs to blog, and Zaboo needs to game.

06. 2 (Ned) and 7 (Harry) are together. Who is more protective of the other?
Harry, definitely. Which I guess makes sense, considering what happens to most of Harry's love interests. Anyway, he'd definitely want to make sure that Ned's power stays a secret.

07. Who is first going to say "I love you", 1 (Morgana) or 9 (Zaboo)?
Oh, Zaboo, definitely. And then Morgana will be like, "Who are you again?"

08. What would 8 (River) like to change about 10 (Billy)? Does 10 approve?
I... honestly do not know. I think Billy would be keen to look around in River's brain, though.

09. Who suffers from pre-wedding jitters, 3 (Topher) or 8 (River)? How does bridesmaid/best man 10 (Billy) soothe them?
Wow, it's a Whedonverse wedding! /random

10. Your team is 2 (Ned), 6 (Brennan) and 10 (Billy). The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?
Um, OK. None of them are exactly great at the social stuff, but I suppose Ned is the least dysfunctional. And between Brennan and Billy, I guess I'd give Brennan the physical challenge, and Billy the mental one.

11. 4 (Quinn) becomes 1 (Morgana)'s boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How's their working relationship?
What would Morgana even do for a living? Anyway, Quinn'd probably be really overbearing, and Morgana would probably challenge her authority at every oppurtunity. It'd be funtimes.

12. 2 (Ned) finds him/her/itself inserted into 6 (Brennan)'s continuity. As far as anyone other than 2 or 6 is concerned, they've always been there. What role would 2 be presumed to have had in 6's story, and could they fit in without going wonky?
Ooh. Ned's powers have been discovered, and the squints are investigating his powers. Brennan keeps insisting that there has to be a scientific basis to his powers, but they can't figure it out yet. And then they use him to solve crimes. It'd be awesometown.

13. 3 (Topher) and 8 (River) are challenged to circumnavigate the Earth in eighty days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or will they be fatally distracted by sidequests or their own personality conflicts?
Hm. I'm fairly sure that they'd cheat, actually. I don't either of them are really all that suited to dealing with the real world or silly constraints, so they'd probably just fix up a spaceship together and be back in a few hours.

14. 9 (Zaboo) and 5 (Lily) get three wishes. The catch is that they have to agree on all three wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What three wishes would they make?
Erm... Well, I'm pretty sure that Zaboo would ask for a bunch of silly things, like Codex's love or more hours in the day to game, and Lily would put her foot down before wasting the wishes like that. So I don't think they'd really get anywhere.

15. 1 (Morgana) and 2 (Ned) are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control to attack and kill 4 (Quinn). They keep their normal personality, skills and competence level, except any code vs. killing has been turned off. Can 4 survive? How?
Considering that Morgana is a semi-evil witch who can use a sword and Ned can just revive people and wait until Quinn dies, I'd say that Quinn doesn't have much of a shot. Sorry, hon.

Co-Fic: Brohemian (6/6)

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:06:55 GMT

Title: Brohemian (6/6)
Previous Chapters: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five
Co-Author: idioticonion
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairings: Barney/Lily, various other combos
Rating: PG in this part, NC-17 in previous parts
Wordcount: 1100 in this part, 13,900 in total
Summary: AU, set around season one. Barney and Lily are starving artists living together in a run-down apartment building. However, things take an interesting turn when Barney meets a young reporter and Lily runs into her old friend, Ted.
Author's Notes: Thanks to all of our lovely fans, and thanks also to IO. This was so much fun to write!

Link to IO's journal

Friends Cut

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:52:36 GMT

OK, I sort of randomly decided to clean out my friends list. Most of them are people that I never really clicked with, are inactive, or I've drifted apart from. If you really have a burning desire to stay on my friends list, no problem! Just ask and I'll re-add you. Just know that there's no offense meant, since I like you all!

If you can see this post, then I have not removed you.

(This is also a good oppurtunity to tell me if you want off. I won't take it personally. Much.)

Co-Fic: Brohemian (5/6)

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:35:34 GMT

Title: Brohemian (5/6)
Previous Chapters: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four
Co-Author: idioticonion
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairings: Barney/Lily, various other combos
Rating: PG-13 in this part, NC-17 in previous parts
Wordcount: 2700 in this part, 12,800 in total
Summary: AU, set around season one. Barney and Lily are starving artists living together in a run-down apartment building. However, things take an interesting turn when Barney meets a young reporter and Lily runs into her old friend, Ted.

One thing to be said for Barney - when he wants something done, he goes all out.

Lily leans on the bar, sipping a glass of white wine (she would have preferred a beer, but whatever). He'd seemingly invited everyone she had ever known ever, as well as quite a few people that she didn't. Her paintings are hanging on the wall, and people are looking at them. It’s almost like being a real artist.

Now, if only Barney would turn up.

She'd woken up at nine AM (early for her) to find a note on the door, reading, "Have to get a few things ready, be at the exhibition at four. - B". She hadn't seen him since. Of course, she'd barely seen him this week, anyway. Between rehearsals, organizing this, and what she suspecting was him avoiding her, they'd barely said more than two words to each other since her lunch with Marshall.

Speaking of, he wasn't here, either. If he was even showing up. Maybe he forgot?

Someone taps her on the shoulder, and she turns to face them. It's that Robin chick, from the bar, smiling at her.

"Hey!" Robin says, brightly. "This is really great show you've got."

Lily laughs. "Thanks. It's not that good, but whatever. You here with Ted?"

Robin's about to reply when there's a ripple of voices across the open space of the room, coming from the door. Robin moves to position herself so she can see who's just arrived and Lily tries to follow her, but there are so many tall freaks between her and the door. She wishes for the hundredth time that Barney was here with her just so she could ask him who was causing all the fuss.

Robin chuckles, low in her throat, and says under her breath "Hel-lo salty goodness!" before pushing her way through the crowd, leaving Lily holding an empty glass of wine, looking after her disconsolately. After a few minutes of catching up with some friends, she pushes her way to the door and sees Robin talking with some blond guy in a suit. Lily finds herself sneering a little. Yeah, the guy's super-hot (from the back) but she doesn't even know him (is he a buyer?) and he shouldn't cause all this fuss.

Then he turns around, a ghost of a smile on his lips, his blue eyes sparkling with a confidence and humor that make him almost unrecognizable.

Barney?

Lily's mouth goes suddenly dry and she barely gets out his name before she's jostled from behind and someone's calling her name and she finds herself flanked by Ted and Marshall.

Marshall hugs her first, so tight that she can't really breathe, and then, once he lets go, Ted puts his arms around her. She hugs back, feebly, but her eyes are fixed on the guy in the suit. He's turned away. It can't possibly be him. He'd never cut his hair and put on a suit. It's almost laughably un-Barney. He makes fun of guys like that.

It can't be him.

"This is really great, Lil!" Ted says, enthusiastically, and Marshall nods, grinning. She turns and smiles back at them, and for a moment she's back at Wesleyan, and it's like the first time she had a painting shown in the local gallery.

But her eyes drift back over to Barney... NOT Barney, she means... and Robin. She's leaning on the wall, and he's got an arm rested next to her head, and they're having a conversation, and suddenly Lily feels a strange pawing at her gut.

"Weren't you coming here with Robin?" Lily asks Ted, abruptly. He looks sheepish.

"I kind of messed that one up. I sort of..."

"He said he loved her on the first date," Marshall says, laughing. Lily can't help but let out a gasp, covering her mouth. Ted rolls his eyes.

"OK, OK. Not my finest hour, I'll admit. But, hey, she came to the exhibition, right?"

"Looks like she's busy," Marshall says. Ted peers at not-Barney.

"Isn't that your roommate?"

"You mean, the one you stole Robin from?" Lily's joking, mostly. When Ted looks confused, she clarifies. "You totally hit on her when they were on a date."

"That was a date?" he asks. "Barney and Robin were on a date?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Oh." He pauses. "Why'd he bring you along, then?"

Lily just shrugs, and looks back over. The guy's turned in her direction. Oh, Christ, it's definitely him. And he looks... wow. Really, really...

She puts her arm around Marshall's waist just in time for him to look over at her. She looks away, back at Marshall. "So," she says. "What do you think?"

Marshall smiles. "Hey, it's great, Lil. In fact, I was thinking I might buy something. You know? To go in my new place."

Ted gives Marshall a look, but Marshall puts his arm around Lily and guides her over to a slightly less crowded corner of the exhibition space.

Marshall lowers his voice and says, "So, how much do your paintings go for? I was thinking five hundred?" He winks and she flushes with humiliation. He's playing with her; making fun of her. It's cruel and she wants to snap angrily at him. But he fishes out his wallet and begins to count out the money in fifty dollars. She begins to shake her head and protest but he silences her.

"W-which painting did you w-want?" she stammers.

He looks around the room, thoughtfully. Lily flushes, a little embarrassed. She should insist that he doesn't have to pay, that she doesn't need his money. But she does, and five hundred dollars... well, it'd pay for groceries for a while, at least. Sometimes - not often, but sometimes - she wishes she'd followed through with college, so she could get a real job. Living hand-to-mouth sucked.

His eyes settle upon the painting next to them. "How about this one?"

Lily swallows. It's the painting that she made right after she and Barney slept together, one that she still referred to as "Barney Stinson is a Stupid Jerk with Stupid Hair", which was not only petty and childish, but also apparently factually inaccurate. She stares at it, trying to come up with an excuse - any excuse - that would mean that Marshall couldn't have it.

She's about to open her mouth when she hears a male voice from behind Marshall. "Actually, that one's mine."

Marshall turns around, and Lily sees that it's Barney. She feels something in her chest tighten. Wow, he looks good. She was totally right about the eyes. Barney's face bears a slightly annoyed expression, and he looks up at Marshall, challengingly.

"Um. You two haven't met, have you?" Lily says, awkwardly. "Marshall, this is my roommate, Barney. Barney, Marshall."

Marshall holds out his hand and there's a flash of old Marshall in his amiable grin which surprises Lily. Barney narrows his eyes and for a moment Lily's afraid that he won't shake Marshall's hand, but he does, with a curt "dude" of greeting.

Then Marshall puts his foot in it. He chuckles condescendingly and nudges Lily in the ribs. "Hey, didn't you say he had a pony tail. Hey, you no longer a hippy, Bro?"

Lily flushes again, willing Marshall to shut the hell up. She sees two high points of color appear in Barney's pale cheeks and she wonders if it's too late to pull an Elizabeth Swann fainting fit at their feet and disarm the bomb that Marshall's set to ticking. Thing is, she hasn't even had a chance to talk to Barney herself, to compliment him on his makeover (if that's not too weird) or thank him for all the hard work he's done creating an exhibition out of nothing.

Then Robin sidles up to Barney and slips are arm through his. "Oh, hey," she drawls, looking Marshall up and down. "Lily, you want to introduce us?"

Something nasty wells up in Lily. Robin's all over Barney, and then she's looking at Marshall like that, and Lily's all for sexual freedom, and she'd never normally think this (mostly because of the pot calling the kettle black), but the word "slut" flashes through her mind. She feels terrible as soon as she thinks it, but that doesn't stop her from taking Marshall's hand.

"This is Marshall," she says. She doesn't really know how to qualify that, so she hopes that her body language will do her talking for her.

"They were together in college," Barney says, with a hint of acid in his voice. Lily glares at him, hoping that he behaves himself, but he ignores her. "What're you even doing in New York, anyway?"

"I'm working for the NRDC at the moment," Marshall replies. If he notices Barney's hostility, he doesn't let on. "I'm a lawyer."

Robin raises her eyebrows. "Wow." She holds out her hand. "Robin Scherbatsky. Metro News One."

Marshall laughs. "I knew I knew you from somewhere! The ukulele-playing chimp, right?"

She chuckles. "Yeah, that's me. So, what's working for the NRDC like?"

As Robin and Marshall talk, Lily glances over to Barney. He looks so different. He's all sharp edges and hostility, and she wishes she had never gone to that stupid sports bar, that Barney had just gone home with Robin, and none of this would be happening. But the thought of Barney and Robin also makes her strangely uneasy.

Barney meets her eyes, briefly, and then unhooks his arm from Robin's, and goes over to another painting of hers. Lily excuses herself and follows him.

They stand together for a long minute full of heavy silence. The painting he's looking at is the oldest one in the show, one that's been in their apartment almost as long as she's known him. Lily begins to think that she should just walk away and leave him to his thoughts, then he clears his throat.

"I'm- I'm sorry," he says, turning towards her, and suddenly the apologetic expression on his face is so normal, so Barney, so /her/ Barney, that Lily finds herself relaxing for the first time that evening.

"It's like... I put on this suit and this..." He waves a hand over his shorn hair. "And suddenly it seems like I'm turning into the jerk just like all the other suits in this city. I should have let him buy your painting."

Lily opens her mouth to interrupt him but he reaches out, his hand hovering in the air between them. He's standing so close that she can see the string calluses on his fingertips, the engraved detail on the silver cufflinks through his white shirt cuffs.

"Lily," Barney says with a sigh. "I'm just... Sorry. Okay? What can I do? To help with this?"

Lily glances over at Robin, who's talking animatedly with Marshall. That word, that horrible word, it floats in her mind again. The only thing she wants from Barney is for him not to sleep with the tall bitch standing over there.

But Barney is waiting for her response, smiling uncertainly.

"You don't..." She laughs. "You've done so much already. I mean, look at this!" She turns to look around the room, at people looking at her artwork. She looks back at him, and he's smiling, almost bashfully. "It's great."

He just shrugs, and she notices that his suit doesn't quite fit him as well as it could. It's almost a relief - it's less like Barney's been replaced and more like he's playing dress-up. More like, when they get home, he'll be back in a T-shirt and jeans, and he'll take off the short wig and be, well. Barney.

"Well," he says, self-deprecatingly. "I'm awesome."

Lily giggles. Barney grins back at her, and there's a tightening in her chest. God, he looks good.

"I like the... hair," she says. "Brings out your... bone structure." Her speech is halting - she's afraid to say the wrong thing.

But he looks down at the floor, smiling shyly, mumbling some reply. His hand closes the space between them and holds on to hers briefly, before there's a touch on her shoulder. There are so many things Lily wants to say suddenly - how Barney's way more perfect for her than Marshall ever was, how she wants something from Barney that she doesn't know how to even articulate. Maybe it's a just another kiss? Maybe it's more than that. But something flutters inside her like a trapped bird and she doesn't get to say any of those things because the hand belongs to another person she doesn't know.

Throughout the evening, she sells six paintings and gets commissions for two more. One guy even talks about hiring her to produce new works for his chain of restaurants. It's incredible and she's walking on air for the next hour until an accidental glance over at the door deflates her. Through the crowd she sees Robin, touching Barney's chest then embracing him. Then, in the next minute, Lily catches sight of the two of them leaving together - Robin's red dress and million-dollar smile and the back of a suit.

For the rest of the show Lily tries her hardest to rally, tries her damnedest not to show that inside she feels like a burst balloon. She tries to enjoy this success, knowing how rare it is in her world. She's got more money than she knows what to do with and there's even a reporter who writes up her show. The girl flirts with Lily and she's pretty sure that, if she swung that way, she could get a rave review the next day.

But all she can think of is Barney.

She runs into Ted later on, who seems to be moping because the free wine has long since been depleted. "Hey Lil!" Her old friend greets her with a smile. Marshall is nowhere to be seen.

She manages to force out a small, thin-lipped smile. "Hey." The room's pretty much empty now - she should probably take down her paintings, go back to her apartment. She has no idea whether Barney is at their place or at Robin's, and the last thing she needs is to walk in on something. Oh, God, they're probably doing it right now. Her throat squeezes tight, and she shakes her head, trying not to think about it. "You enjoy the show?"

Ted nods. "Yeah, it was great! Didn't see much of Robin, though." He adopts that tone of voice that he probably thinks is casual, and Lily can't help but smirk. "Did you see what happened to her?"

Lily mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like "probably fucking Barney".

"What?"

"Where did Marshall go?" she asks, brightly.

"He had to leave," Ted replies. "He wanted to say goodbye, but you looked pretty swamped out there?"

Lily nods. She's kind of glad she didn't get to see him - she doesn't know how she'd look him in the eye.

Ted looks at her, concerned. "You OK? You look kinda sick."

She shakes herself and manages to say, "I'm fine. Just tired I guess. And there's all this stuff to clear up..."

Ted looks around in confusion. "Don't the organizers have people to do that stuff?"

Lily turns towards him. There are only a few stragglers left and she's sick of this charade, of being left with nothing at the end of the night. "Ted, the organizers is me." And Barney, she adds silently. "This whole thing was just... self-promotion." A foolish game, she thinks, as her gaze drifts once again to the door.

But Ted's reaction surprises her. "Wow, that's awesome! You did this all by yourself? But- But it looks so... Wow! So how much did you sell?"

Lily turns back in confusion and flicks through the receipts she's holding. "Enough to keep me going for six months," she says, shaking her head.

"That's... awesome!" Ted says, like he's got stuck on that word. "That's amazing Lil."

She nods, but her lips turn down and she shakes her head. "It is..." Her eyes fill with tears and - what the hell? She's just tired and emotional but she remembers Barney's smile, his dancing blue eyes, and she wonders why all she wants to do is hold him right now while he's in some skanky, gorgeous, long-legged girl's bed.

"Shit," she exclaims, and begins to tell Ted all about it.

Link to Part Six

Fic: Home

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:25:28 GMT

Do not ask my why this episode has suddenly sparked my creativity. I really do not know.

Title: Home
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Rating: G
Wordcount: 100
Spoilers: Set after 5.07
Summary: It hurts more than Barney can admit to, more than he ever expected.

It hurts.

It hurts more than Barney can admit to, more than he ever expected. More than he can ever let Robin know.

There’s still some pudge left. Maybe he won’t be able to get rid of the little roll of fat over the top of his pants. Maybe he doesn’t want to.

So he goes to the bar, and the bimbos are there. They’re always there when he needs them. There will always be stupid slutty girls, waiting for him, constant.

Although he suggested breaking up, he plays the forlorn dumped boyfriend. It’s not entirely an act.

Daddy’s home.

Fic: Stranger Things

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:43:42 GMT

OK, so. I have literally been wrangling with this plot bunny for half a year now, and although it is, in my head, the most epic fic that has ever been thought of and will receive all kinds of accolades, as well as dethroning IO as the AU queen, so far this is the only part that has actually been written. So I'm just going to post this and pretend that it's the whole fic.

Title: Stranger Things
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing/Characters: Mostly gen, some Barney/Ted
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 520
Warning: some language, genderfuck
Summary: Ted was just some guy Barney had met at the bar.

Ted was just this guy who she’d met a bar.

From day one, he’d denied that he had been hitting on her, although Barney knew that wasn’t true. And who could blame him if he was? She was pretty damn awesome, after all.

“Are you trying to sleep with me?” she asked, when the guy with the goatee asked for her name.

“No,” he said.

“Well, if you were, it’s a waste of time.” She leaned back on the bar and took a sip of her scotch and soda.

“Why?”

“Well, first of all, you have pubes on your face.” Barney smiled to herself as his hands went to his chin. “Second of all, what the hell are you wearing?”

“Yeah, well, you’re wearing a suit.”

“Suits are cool. Exhibit A.” She waved her hand towards herself. “And, third of all, I’m not into dudes.”

“Oh.” The guy looked back down at his drink. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Depends. Are you an idiot or not?”

“Well, I’m here talking to a girl who clearly isn’t interested in me, so.”

Barney laughed. “What’s your name?”

“Ted.”

“I think I like you, Ted.” He looked at her, quizzically, and she rolled her eyes. “Just because I’m not interested in your dick doesn’t mean that I can’t like you.”

“Right.”

“No, Ted,” Barney said, slinging her arm around his shoulders, “I’m going to teach you how to live.”

“And how are you going to do that?”

Barney pursed her lips and looked over at him. He wasn’t bad-looking, aside from the facial fuzz. Objectively speaking. “Well, for a start, let’s get out of here. This bar practically exudes lameness.”

Ted laughed, half to himself. “Do you really talk like this?”

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?” She put down her empty tumbler. “So, you going with me or not?”

Ted paused, finished off his beer, and shrugged. “Sure. Why not.”

“That’s the spirit,” Barney said. She started to walk out, and Ted followed her. “Now, this night is going to be critical. You’re going to have to prove to me that you are worthy of being my wingman, my partner in crime. In short, Theodore, you have the chance to be Barney Stinson’s bro. Don’t blow it.”

“Um, whatever.” Ted paused for a second. “Who’s Barney Stinson?”

Barney looked at him, confused. “Uh, me. Duh.”

“Your name is Barney?”

“Don’t wear it out.”

“Your name is Barney?”

Barney rolled her eyes. “You should’ve just told me that you were an idiot.”

“But it’s a –“

“Guy’s name, I know. But if they can give it to a stupid purple dinosaur, then I don’t see why I can’t use it, too.” Barney walked up to the curb and hailed a cab. As one stopped in front of her, she swung the door open, grabbed Ted’s sleeve, and hauled him in.

“Jesus, that hurt!”

“Don’t be a girl about it. You’ll be fine.” She gave the cabbie the directions to this kick-ass new club she’d heard about. “I have a feeling that this night is going to be legend – wait for it…”

Co-Fic: Brohemian (4/?)

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:53:15 GMT

Title: Brohemian (4/?)
Previous Chapters: Part One, Part Two, Part Three
Co-Author: idioticonion
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairings: Barney/Lily, various other combos
Rating: PG-13 in this part, NC-17 in previous parts
Wordcount: 2500 in this part, 10,100 in total
Summary: AU, set around season one. Barney and Lily are starving artists living together in a run-down apartment building. However, things take an interesting turn when Barney meets a young reporter and Lily runs into her old friend, Ted.

Link to IO's journal

Link to Part Five

Why do I always do memes which I have no time for?

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:34:57 GMT

Never Will I Ever meme: Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return, I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

Reasons why my life sucks right now

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:19:38 GMT

1. Biology. Have like five million assignments to make up. Teacher will try to contact my mother. Epic fail.

2. Maths. Had a worksheet due in three weeks ago. Still have not done it.

3. Spanish. Had an essay due in two weeks ago. Managed to convince my teacher that my email sucks balls. Still have not done it.

4. French. My teacher hates me.

5. My little brother is being like a mini-me, basically, and not doing his math. Thus, my mom is constantly yelling at him. I fear I am next.

God, this may call for hiatus. School sucks balls.

On the other hand, I got a good grade on my English essay. So, yay?

Fic: Red Wine and Secrets

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:16:33 GMT

Title: Red Wine and Secrets
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Merlin/Morgana
Rating: G
Wordcount: 320
Summary: Merlin and Morgana drink together twice.

A becoming pink flush settles over Morgana's cheeks as she laughs, good-naturedly. "You really cannot hold your wine, can you?"

Merlin can't quite make out the words, so he just grins, and Morgana leans forward and presses her lips against his, her fingers tangling in his short hair. He remembers to cup her face, kissing her back. She giggles against his lips.

"Tell me a secret," she whispers.

He doesn't hesitate, doesn't even think. "I can do magic."

She pulls back, suddenly, and he can't read her expression. Then she gets up and storms off.

* * *

"What brings you here, Merlin?" she says, coldly, pouring him a glass. He raises it, like a toast, but he checks to see if there's a sheen of poison on top of the wine. He takes a careful sip.

"Arthur wants you to come back to Camelot."

She arches a perfect eyebrow. "Does he, now?" She sounds amused, as if the desires of kings are beneath her. If what Merlin has heard of her powers is true, they probably are. "And why should I listen to him? Or you, for that matter?"

"Morgana -"

"Morgaine."

"Morgana," he repeats, insistently. "We used to be friends."

She lets out a sharp bark of laughter. Her eyes are wild. They'd always been, a little, but she'd been tame, when he knew her. Now she looks positively feral. "I loved you. I told you my secrets. I trusted you. And you couldn't even tell me who you really were."

"I had good reason..."

"What reason?" Morgana stands. "Now, get out of my sight."

Merlin knows better than to argue with her. He rises to his feet, feeling suddenly heavy.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

She just glares at him. He reaches out to touch her arm, and she flinches away.

"Your secret would have been safe with me," she says, bitterly.

Co-Fic: Brohemian (3/?)

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 18:53:32 GMT

Title: Brohemian (3/?)
Previous Chapters: Part One, Part Two
Co-Author: idioticonion
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairings: Barney/Lily, various other combos
Rating: PG-13 in this part, NC-17 in previous parts
Wordcount: 2300 in this part, 7600 in total
Summary: AU, set around season one. Barney and Lily are starving artists living together in a run-down apartment building. However, things take an interesting turn when Barney meets a young reporter and Lily runs into her old friend, Ted.

Lily sleeps in until noon the next morning. When she wakes up, her nostrils are assaulted by the delicious scent of toast and coffee and her stomach rumbles loudly. Throwing on a t-shirt and sweat pants, she makes her way, bleary-eyed, into their tiny living room and finds Barney naked at the stove, making breakfast.

"Oh Jesus! Barney!" She laughs, throwing him a dishcloth. "Cover it up!"

"Some thanks I get for making breakfast!" He grins, throwing it back at her. "Besides, it's nothing you haven't already seen!" He waggles his eyebrows.

And to think she thought things might be weird between them. "Do I have to punch you again?" she snaps, and he backs away from her, holding up his hands.

"Hey, this is a peace offering."

"Burned toast?" She wrinkles her nose as she nibbles a piece.

"Not just that. I've got an idea!"

"What?" Lily collapses onto the couch, holding a mug of coffee in both hands.

"An idea about your exhibition. I say we fake it. It'll be fun!"

"Fake an art exhibition? Are you serious?" Lily shakes her head and made a mental note never to have sex with Barney again. She'd promise to give up dope too, if that would help prevent these weird moods.

"I'm serious!" Barney bounds over to her like an over-enthusiastic puppy. "All we need is a space, and a bunch of people who can talk pretentious crap, and your paintings. I know an abandoned loft we can crash, and you can make some flyers. Easy!"

She looks up at him, his enthusiasm touching her through her cynicism.

"Come on! It'll be like a f-you to all those idiots who didn't appreciate you and rejected your work."

Lily pondered this. "Well, the pre-Raphaelites used to set up their own exhibitions. As did the impressionists. Not that I'm an art movement. There's just me. And we've got to do it by Saturday. It's impossible."

"It's not impossible. It's really, really possible. In fact, it's an awesome idea, if I say so myself!"

"Dork," she said exasperatedly. But he was beginning to win her over. Only when he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek did she feel the doubt returning. And something else returning. "Please put some clothes on!" she says, desperately.

He rolls his eyes. "Fine, if you insist." He gives her a wry smile and ruffles her hair. She swallows hard as he turns to go back to his room and whoa, he has a nice butt. How did she not notice that before? He disappears behind his door, and she shakes her head. She wipes the wet spot off of her cheek with her thumb.

OK, so sex hasn't ruined their friendship. Quite the opposite. It's a little different, maybe, but she'll get used to it. And maybe, if they're both cool about it, they could...

No, she reminds herself. Sleeping together again wouldn't be a good idea. But, still. It meant that things like friendly kisses and harmless lusting are OK. Right?

She finishes off her coffee and goes over to the sink to wash out her mug. Her eyes drift over to her easel. Her painting (which she had tentatively titled "Barney Stinson is a Stupid Jerk With Stupid Hair", but that seems kind of mean-spirited in retrospect) is an abstract - a strange mix of blue and gold and red and black, basically her just putting paint on the canvas, but it works, in a weird way. She rolls her eyes. She works for weeks on the bridge painting and gets nowhere, but the one that she made, pretty much without thought, at three in the morning turns out good. Typical.

She walks over to it to get a better inspection. She hears Barney's door creak open. She looks over to see him pulling his shirt down over his chest (face, Lily, keep your eyes on his face).

"What do you think?" she asks, turning back to it.

He bobs over to her, Barney's got this weird, loping walk as though he's never in a hurry to get anywhere. Finally he reaches her and stands in front of the painting, squinting. "It's... really..."

"Terrible," she thinks. "Lame," she clarifies. Even though she likes it, she's not sure he will. And she really wants him to like it.

"Powerful..." He says, after a long pause.

"Is powerful good?" she asks him.

"Er, yeah." He grins at her. He looks so much more alert than usual.

"Don't you have practice?" she snaps at him for no reason.

"I said it was good, Jesus!" he grumbles, making his way back to his room. "Anyway, I said I'd go look for a space to help you set up your fake art exhibition, remember? I know a guy..."

"Technically, what you said is that you knew a place we could crash," she says. "Not the same thing."

"Uh, that's what I meant," he shouts from his room. "Just need to make sure that it hasn't gotten any squatters."

She sighs. "Whatever." She goes into her own room and puts on some jeans and a nicer shirt. When she goes back into the living room, Barney's just about to leave. "So, am I allowed to come with you to see the super-secret exhibition space?"

"Uh, shouldn't you be working on that bridge painting?"

"Please. That thing is a train wreck." She slips on a pair of shoes. "Shall we?"

Barney pauses, then holds the door open for her, and, although Lily's a feminist, she still appreciates it.

The abandoned loft isn't far from their apartment and it's airy, cold but the light is amazing - through large, wide windows, and it's been white-washed, which gives it that trendy, slightly industrial feel. Lily stands in the center of the echoing space and turns around, taking it in. "Wow," she whispers. "Barn, this is perfect..." For a moment, she doesn't think about what this means, about what this might lead to. She doesn't think about how hard it'll be to pull this off, this elaborate rouse. She just imagines her paintings on the wall and gets caught up in his excitement. "I'm gonna-" She whips out her cell and texts Ted the address. She can't go back now. She's in this, no matter what the consequences.

He wanders over from the doorway and she gives him a hug. It's meant to be a thank you, for supporting her like this, for firing her up, for finding this place. But his arm slides around her waist and suddenly her face is turned towards his and it's too easy to kiss him.

It's only for a second - or rather, a second too long. Lily pulls back, blushing. "Sorry." Barney blinks, in surprise, and she looks away. "I didn't mean..."

She feels his fingers and his thumb gently cup her chin. She looks back into his eyes, and he pulls her in for another kiss. It feels natural just to melt into it, to let her body press against his. He wraps her in his arms as he deepens the kiss, his tongue gently pushing through her lips. She doesn't freak out (although maybe she should), but just closes her eyes and enjoys it. And, boy, does she enjoy it.

When Lily finally pulls away, Barney lets her go but his fingertips linger around her waist when they walk back into the middle of the space. She clears her throat and breaks contact, a little embarrassed by the intimacy. "So... uh? What're we going to do? Who will we invite?"

He walks up behind her, sliding his arms back around her waist. "Everyone?"

She shakes her head. "This is just so weird. I don't know what to say!"

"Say you'll do it!"

Lily turns towards him, resolutely. "I'll do it."

He smiles - it's incredible the way his whole face lights up when he smiles.

They just stand there like that for a moment, and it feels awfully... couple-y. But in a nice way. He's tall and warm and he feels good next to her. Not to mention the pulsing between her legs. Lily thinks back to the previous night - would being with Barney be such a bad thing? They like each other, and they like having sex with each other. What more do you need, really?

"Barney, I..." she starts, but then her phone starts to ring. She kind of wants to just ignore it.

"That's probably Ted," he says. "You should answer it."

She nods and pulls it out, whipping it open. "This is Lily."

"Lily Aldrin?"

She almost drops the phone in shock. Barney seems to have noticed her change in expression, because his brow furrows with concern.

"M-Marshall. How did you... How are you?"

He chuckles, and it's too goddamn familiar. She hasn't seen this guy in years, but one phone call is bringing all of the memories flooding back. "I'm good. I'm in New York for at least a few weeks, and Ted gave me your number." She remembers now - she'd given Ted her cell just before she left the bar last night. She'd never thought he'd pass it on to her ex-boyfriend. Douche.

"Great." She looks up at Barney, and she can't really decipher his expression. "We should... see each other. Catch up?"

"Yeah, yeah, sounds good. You know anywhere good?"

She pulls away from Barney, giving him an apologetic look. His fingertips trail her skin for as long as they can before she's out of his grip completely. She walks over to the window and negotiates details with Marshall, all the while looking back at Barney.

It's not like she's planning a date, or anything.

It's nice - talking to him, remembering Hewitt Hall, just pretending she was eighteen again. But when she ends the call, having made arrangements to meet Marshall for lunch the next day, Barney's looking at her strangely.

"Who was that?" He asks, an edge of aggression in his tone.

"Marshall... he's-"

"Marshall, your college sweetheart?" Barney interrupts her. College sweetheart? She makes a face. That's such a Barney thing to say. Like anything is that black and white. "You're having lunch with him?" Barney continues. "What about...?"

He trails off. Lily wonders if he was going to try and define himself as in a relationship with her after what basically was a one-night stand. Because the idea just skeeved her out. And, yeah, they kind of had just been making out, but since when was that a marriage proposal?

"We're just catching up," Lily says.

"Really?" There's that judgmental tone creeping into his voice - the one that shows up in all guys after you sleep with them, sooner or later.

"Yeah, really," she replies. "I can keep my pants on, you know." It was kind of ironic, considering that she'd jumped him the night before, but whatever. "It's not really any of your business, anyway." She doesn't mean to sound so petty, but it just comes out.

He looks hurt and he turns away, shoulders hunching. She turns and walks past him, holding the door open as she walks back into the stairwell. If he's going to sulk then that's his problem. But instead he breezes through the door, his expression unreadable and they descend the stairs together.

"So..." He says, carefully, breaking the silence between them. "You gonna make some invites to your exhibition? We can send them round to a few journalists. You never know who might bite?"

"Can't hurt, can it?" she says, and he shakes his head, shoving his hands in his pockets. They walk in brittle silence for a while. "I'm really not going to sleep with him."

"Well, it's none of my business," he says, petulantly. She rolls her eyes. "Do you still have feelings for him, or something?"

She shakes her head. "No, nothing like that." She swallows. "It's just that... I've never... felt the same way about anyone else like I felt about him. And maybe I never will." And Barney's looking at her, his face plainly showing his surprise and pity, and Lily looks down at the sidewalk. "It's not easy to forget. Is all."

Saying those words, it's weird but it crystallizes something for her. She's never articulated this stuff out loud before. Dropping out of college, she had grand ambitions, wanted to travel, do so many things. The pain of breaking up with Marshall was fleeting, much like the pain of leaving Scooter. She'd understood that if she wanted to lead this kind of life, have this kind of independence, then it would come at a sacrifice.

But it hadn't felt like much of a sacrifice.

But Marshall had made her feel so safe, so happy. She'd never found that again, not for more than a brief nocturnal encounter. Will she still feel that when she sees him again? Is he still single? Maybe he's even married by now?

They keep walking together for a while, not talking or looking at each other.

"I know you'll find someone," Barney says, after a long while. "You're a great girl." She smiles, still not looking at him. He laughs. "Plus, you're pretty good in bed."

She hits him in the arm again, and he just keeps laughing.

They reach their apartment. Barney looks at the clock. "Crap, I'm gonna be late." He grabs the violin off the top of their wardrobe. "See you later."

"Bye," Lily replies, and he walks out the door. As he shuts it, Lily sits down heavily on the couch, the spring that dug into her leg last night still poking at her.

It'll be OK, she tells herself. You can deal with this. The exhibition, Barney, Marshall... it'll be OK.

She keeps telling herself that for the rest of the day. She isn't entirely sure if it helps.

Link to Part Four

Co-Fic: Brohemian (2/?)

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:21:07 GMT

Title: Brohemian (2/?)
Previous Chapters: Part One
Co-Author: idioticonion
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairings: Barney/Lily, various other combos
Rating: NC-17 in this part
Wordcount: 3200 in this part, 5300 in total
Summary: AU, set around season one. Barney and Lily are starving artists living together in a run-down apartment building. However, things take an interesting turn when Barney meets a young reporter and Lily runs into her old friend, Ted.

Link to IO's journal

Link to Part Three

Co-Fic: Brohemian (1/?)

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 21:18:48 GMT

Yeah, this is the super-secret AU. It's still very much a work in progress, so I have just about as much knowledge as to where it's all headed as you guys do. IO and I are having loads of fun with it, and we hope you guys do, too.

Title: Brohemian (1/?)
Co-Author: idioticonion
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairings: Barney/Lily, various other combos
Rating: This part is PG, but later parts get NC-17
Wordcount: 2100 in this part
Summary: AU, set around season one. Barney and Lily are starving artists living together in a run-down apartment building. However, things take an interesting turn when Barney meets a young reporter and Lily runs into her old friend, Ted.

Lily scoops back her long black hair, plaiting it, and scowls at the canvas, placing her hands on her hips. Her smock is stained and rank with oil paint. The wooden floor is spattered with droplets and crazed, multi-colored swirls. The canvas itself looks...

Boring.

Pedestrian.

Nothing like she expected it to.

Trouble is, Lily knows exactly what she wants to paint, she just doesn't know how to execute it. It's like she's always saying to her roommate, she has all these ideas, hundreds of ideas buzzing around, but most of them just result in torn up sheets of wasted paper that she can't afford.

Whoever said the life of a starving artist in New York City was glamorous needs their head examined. Lily thinks back to her days at Wesleyan a few years ago (before she'd dropped out in frustration) and how easy and effortless life had seemed back then. But her trip to Paris had changed her, opened up her world. And somehow, being a student, that was a skin that no longer fitted her.

It’s like she's always telling Barney...

He’s her roommate - a few years older than her but with even less money coming in. He plays violin with the prestigious New York Philharmonic orchestra - which you would think means a decent salary. But apparently not. The guy's meager existence makes even church mice seem extravagant by comparison. They both make a little extra cash drawing portraits Central Park until the cops move them along. It's nice, working side by side with him, but she wishes he'd have a bit more fun. He’s so damned earnest all the time.

Speak of the devil...?

Barney pushes open the door to their condemned apartment in a broken down lot in the most unfashionable part of Manhattan.

"Hey, Lil! Life suck today?" He calls out, swinging his violin case on to its usual home, nestled on top of their single wardrobe.

"Hey, Barney!" Lily grins. "It sucked so hard it gave itself brain freeze!"

"Still working on the bridge painting?" he asks. "Run out of razorblades yet?"

Lily rolls her eyes. "Once! Once I did the razorblade thing. And you're never going to let me forget it!"

He beams at her, loosening his ponytail so that his long, blonde hair fans out around his shoulders. "Sure, goth girl."

"Bite me, hippie!"

It's an old routine they both know well. He unfolds his lanky frame onto their battered couch and stares up at her, hands behind his head.

"So," he says. "I met a girl today."

“Well, that’s a shocker,” Lily says, sitting carefully on the arm of the couch.

Barney shakes his head. “This one’s different.” Lily looks at him, skeptically. He says that every time he meets a pretty girl. Barney looks at the clock on the wall. “Hey, she’s on!” He goes over to their TV (which is probably older than Lily is) and turns it on. The black and white screen flickers to life as a woman talks into the camera.

“And I’m sure that this story will strike a… chord with all of our viewers,” the woman says, with a smile that looks pasted on. “Back to you, Sandy.”

Lily raises one eyebrow as Barney stares at the screen intently. “You have actually spoken to this woman, haven’t you?”

“Of course I have,” Barney says, as if that had never happened before. “Her name’s Robin.”

“Is she married?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Does she have a criminal record?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is she a neo-Nazi?”

“Hey, you liked Susan.”

Lily shakes her head. “You really know how to pick ‘em, don’t you?”

“Hey, lay off.” Barney turns off the TV and sits back down. “Just because you haven’t gotten laid since Audrey…”

“That’s not true!” she says, defensively. “I mean, there was that time, with that one guy.” It’s Barney’s turn to look skeptical. “Besides, I’m not like you,” Lily says. “I don’t have to have someone in my life at all times.”

“It’s not like that,” Barney says. “Robin’s… I really like her.”

Lily knows that it’ll be over before the month is out. But all she says is, “Did you ask her out?”

“Actually, I’m meeting her tonight. 75th and Amsterdam. Place called MacLaren’s.”

“Ugh, sounds like some god-awful sports bar.”

Barney shrugs. “Hey, it’s something.” He yawns and stretches. “So, do we have any actual food today, or what?”

* * *

Sometimes Lily misses pot - what she needs right now is something to get her in that zone - chill her out. She rummages around in their single wardrobe for something classy to wear tonight, something that won't make her look like a twelve-year-old. Trouble is, she and Barney regularly get carded. Even now, even in her mid twenties and his late twenties, both of them look barely legal. The curse of the baby-face, Lily supposes. She just knows they'll both look out of place.

Why do they have to go anyway?

Barney comes out from the bathroom in a cloud of steam and patchouli (a smell that seems to follow the guy around) wearing a long-sleeved sweater and a pair of jeans. Lily has a sudden impulse to scream at him to cut his damn hair and get a life, but she bites it back. They've talked before about her anger issues. Usually she gets them out in her painting but being blocked really isn't helping.

What Lily needs is inspiration, and she's not going to get it from some sports bar. Although maybe if she spends the entire time fantasizing about the whole preppy crowd being massacred...

"Why can't you just go on your own, anyways?" Lily grumbles as she passes him on her way to the bathroom.

"Hey..." He says with his soft voice, looking at her with his gentle eyes. "You're my wingwoman!" He grins ironically and she laughs, flipping him the bird.

"You owe me for this, Barney!" She growls.

"Sure, Lil. Sure."

* * *

It’s exactly what Lily had expected. The crowd is full of pretty clean twenty-somethings who look like they’ve just stumbled out of the Gap. She knows that the high-pitched giggling of bimbos is going to give her a headache by the end of the night. On the plus side, the bartender’s kind of cute.

“So, where’s your girl?” Lily asks Barney, as he peers across the room.

“She’s probably not here yet,” Barney says.

“Well, if she’s stood you up, I’m not going to hang out here all night waiting for her.”

“You’re such a great friend.”

Lily lets out a sarcastic laugh. “You buying the beer?”

“You know I’m broke,” he replies, with a shrug and a grin.

“Well, so am I!”

Barney looks like he’s about to reply, but then his eyes light up. Lily looks over her shoulder at the door. A girl with shoulder-length brown hair and really nice legs walks over.

“Hey, Barney,” she says.

“Robin.” He’s grinning like an idiot, and it’s all Lily can do to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “This is Lil!” he says, turning to her. Lily nods, and Robin gives her a big smile.

“So, you’re the roommate,” Robin says.

“Yup. Although, really, he’s more like my guest, considering how little money he brings in.”

Barney glares at her, but Robin just laughs.

“So,” she says, “do you want to grab a booth?”

“Yeah!” Barney says. “Lil, do you want to…”

Lily sighs. It’s obvious that he wants to spend some alone time with this Robin chick. “I’ll get the beer.”

Barney smiles gratefully and leads Robin to one of the booths while Lily goes over to the bar and orders three beers. Why she’s paying for Barney’s date is anyone’s guess.

She leans on the bar and sighs. It reminds her of when she was a teenager, and when sneaking into bars with her fake ID was the biggest thrill ever. But now all she can think is that there probably isn’t a single person in this bar who knows who Rothko is. Luckily, Barney’ll get bored of Robin soon enough, and she’ll never have to set foot in this place again.

Lily is digging through her pockets for money when someone walks up behind her.

“Lily Aldrin?”

Lily turns around. “Ted Mosby?”

The first thing that surprises Lily is how different Ted looks. He's cut his frizz-helmet and his hair is waxed and teased and looking kinda normal. Also, he's dressed pretty smart, like he's a success, like he's sold out and become a regular guy.

Lily remembers when Ted was the most pretentious person she knew. She suspects that, deep down, he's still something of a hipster and she's proved right by the first thing he says to her.

"Hey! It's good to see you. You want a drink? They do a great bottle of Chateau Livran."

"We were kinda getting a beer?" Lily replies, waving her thumb over her shoulder at Barney.

Ted nods in a kind of frantically-casual way. "Oh, right. That your boyfriend?"

A laugh bursts out of her. "Me and Barney? God no!" Then she slaps a hand across her mouth as it's possible Barney's date might have heard her. "No, wow. He's just a friend." Lily's gaze drifts back to the table, then to Ted. Barney and Robin are talking earnestly and she doesn't feel much like being the third wheel. "Hey, Ted, you wanna join us? We can catch up?"

Ted shrugs and smiles vaguely, like he's just being polite, until he spots Robin. Then his eyes light up in a way that Lily has only seen them do once before, in college, whenever he was with his horrible ex-girlfriend, Karen.

Okay, this could be bad, but Ted's already halfway to the booth before she can stop him, leaving Lily to trail in his wake, carrying all the beer. He's already slid into the booth next to Robin and is introducing himself when she finally gets there. She sits down next to Barney and her friend glowers at her.

"Uh..." Lily says, as Robin laughs out loud at something Ted said.

"You're funny," The taller girl drawls, playing with her hair.

This is really bad.

Barney shoots daggers in Ted's direction but her old friend barely notices. He’s way too busy hitting on Barney's date.

* * *

Lily wonders if it's possible to be a fourth wheel.

Ted and Robin are clearly hitting it off, if the frequency with which she laughs at his lame jokes and touches his arm was any indication. She could try talking to Barney, but he's glaring at Ted with an intensity that Lily knows better than to get in the middle of.

So she sighs, and sips her beer, and waits for Ted and Robin to go away. Then she'll have to deal with Barney's bitching, but at least he'll talk to her.

"So, Ted," Barney says, with a passive-aggressive cheer that makes Lily consider just packing up and going home, "how do you know Lily?"

"Oh," Ted says, dragging his gaze away from Robin in order to look in their direction. "We went to college together."

"Yeah," Lily says. "He was Marshall's roommate."

Barney frowns slightly, and for a moment Lily wonders if he's trawling his memory for a reference to Marshall. As much as she loves Barney, he's so scatterbrained sometimes that it makes her crazy. But then, surprisingly, Barney suddenly gives Lily a look that says he knows exactly who Ted's talking about.

"Ah, Lil's college sweetheart? He’s a lawyer by now?"

Wow - Barney really was paying attention. Lily’s still smiling at Barney gratefully when Ted turns away from Robin and nods. "Yep, and he's right here in New York if you wanna catch up sometime, Lily?" She can see Barney bristle at the way Ted is clearly excluding him from the invite.

"Wow, I don't know," Lily says, a little flustered. "Well, I've kinda moved on, you know? My painting... I've got an exhibition at the weekend!" She lies quickly and carelessly, hoping that Barney won't contradict her.

"Hey, we could come to that," Ted grins enthusiastically. "I'd love to see your work. Where is it?"

Lily gulps. Oh crap.

Link to Part Two

NPH GQMF icons

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 19:17:45 GMT

OK, so I'm basically only posting these because idioticonion requested them. I've been toying around with icon-making for a while now, but this is the first batch I've made public. So please tell me if they're hideous.

1. 2. 3.

4. 5. 6.

- DO NOT HOTLINK
- Comments are loved
- Please credit if used

Fic: Beautiful

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:29:34 GMT

OK, this is shamefully fluffy. Like, complete cotton candy. Also, someone besides me and gnimaerd needs to write this pairing.

Title: Beautiful
Fandom: Merlin RPF
Pairing: established Angel/Katie
Rating: G
Wordcount: 340
Warning: real person fiction
Summary: Katie and Angel discuss their characters' clothes, and Angel can't help but be a little jealous. Set post-London Expo.

“Is it completely shallow of me to hope that Gwen gets some nicer clothes next series?” Angel asked. “I mean, I’m glad that we’ll get more screen time together, and everything, but you always get such pretty things to wear.”

Katie laughed, reclining back on her pillows. “At least you don’t have to carry around a teddy to keep your nipples from showing.”

Angel smiled, brushing her hair behind her ear. “I love how they actually asked you about that.”

“Well,” Katie replied, with a shrug. “You know how the fans are. And it is a bit of an anachronism, isn’t it?”

“Katie, Merlin and Arthur are the same age. Guinevere’s a commoner. We have a CGI dragon voiced by John Hurt. Isn’t it a bit much to complain about anachronisms?”

“All right, you win.” Katie smiled and reached out her hand, and Angel took it. Angel was still surprised by how Katie’s smile still affected her – still made her heart beat hard enough to leave bruises against her ribcage, just like the first day they’d met. Katie was, without a doubt, the most beautiful person Angel had ever met.

It wasn’t hard to feel a little inadequate in comparison.

Katie tugged her wrist, gently, and pulled Angel next to her. Angel propped herself up on her elbow. Katie’s long white fingers played across the skin of the back of her hand, her green eyes focused on Angel’s face.

“Well, we know that Gwen’s going to be queen,” Katie said, matter-of-factly. “That’s got to mean nice dresses, no?”

Angel wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Oh, God. If I have to snog Bradley, I don’t think it’s worth it.”

Katie laughed again. Angel loved the sound of her voice, the way her face lit up. And then Katie leaned over and, pressing her hand against Angel’s cheek, kissed her gently. Her soft pink lips played over Angel’s, like a light breeze.

“You’re beautiful, you know,” Katie whispered, her face only a centimetre away.

Angel believed her.

Fic: Under Covers

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 22:19:14 GMT

Hmm. Apparently, when I'm frustrated about school, I write porn. This is most unhelpful.

Title: Under Covers
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing/Characters: Marshall/Ted, Lily
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 1480
Warnings: explicit m/m sex, female masturbation, voyeurism, language
Summary: In which Barney is frustrated, and Lily remembers the time Ted and Marshall had sex with fondness.

It was incredibly easy for Lily to tell when Barney hadn't had sex in a while, because he started to demand detailed stories about his friends' sex lives.

"Oh, come on, Ted," he said, a whine entering his voice. "PLEASE tell me that you're banging that chick What's-Her-Face."

"First of all, her name is Penny. Second of all, why would I tell you?"

"You can't not have gotten a piece of that," said Barney, looking satisfied with his deductive skills. "You've been going out for, like, two weeks!"

"You know, Barney, this might be the reason why no one wants to sleep with you," Marshall said. Barney glared at him while Lily giggled. Marshall slung one arm around her.

"Well, I know that you two aren't doing it. You guys are practically married, only without the tax breaks. And it's not like you have any stories that don't involve each other."

"I know," Ted said, "why don't we talk about anything else?"

As Marshall and Ted tried to change the subject, and Barney desperately tried to steer it back to dirty stories, Lily just sat there and listened.

"It's not like you have any stories that don't involve each other."

That wasn't, strictly speaking, true.

#

Lily didn't remember much about the actual night - there had been a party, and Lily had been about one shot away from dancing on the tables, but instead she decided to get some sleep. She would've gone straight back to her own room, but then she remembered how her roommate had given her some not-so-subtle indications that she wanted it to herself that night, so Lily decided to go crash in Ted and Marshall's dorm.

Lily unlocked the door (Marshall had given her his key for no apparent reason) and stepped inside. She undressed, getting rid of her dress and bra. She pulled one of Marshall's shirts over herself and climbed into his bed. She was just about to go to sleep when she heard the creak of the door and Ted and Marshall's comically loud "shush" noises.

"Dude, I think Lily's asleep in your bed, dude," Ted said, in what Lily could only assume was meant to be a whisper.

"Don't wake her!" Marshall said, in an even louder voice. Lily considered just sitting up and telling them that she was awake, but it was nice and warm under her blankets, and she fully expected them to pass out, anyway.

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to sleep. She was, however, interrupted by Marshall groaning.

"Ted, what're you doing?" He didn't exactly sound irritated, though. In fact, he let out a sharp gasp of pleasure. Lily opened her eyes to see Ted's hand on her boyfriend's crotch, palming him through the fabric of his pants. She didn't move, though.

Ted's fingers moved over the fabric, rubbing up and down. Lily could see Marshall's pants tenting. There was a flash of jealousy - how dare Ted give her boyfriend a hand job? - followed by a smidge of uncertainty - how long had this been going on for? - followed by a sudden realization.

This was really hot.

Marshall's moans coursed through her, as if it were her own body feeling the pleasure. She could feel Ted's touch as if his fingers were on her right now, stroking her with just the right amount of pressure.

"Can't tell... Lily..." Marshall murmured, as his hand, his big hand which had touched her so often, went and unzipped Ted's fly. The two stepped closer to each other, and Marshall's hands went out of Lily's eyesight, and then they were silent, and dammit Lily couldn't see anything. So she closed her eyes and imagined. She imagined their lips pressing together, their teeth clashing, the movement of their mouths. She imagined Marshall's hands taking hold of Ted's face, possessive, like he had held her face. She heard a small sigh, and imagining that it was Ted, sighing against Marshall's lips as they broke apart, their breathing heavy.

She was getting wet from this, and it should've felt more shameful. Lily had learned a lot about her sexual preferences since she'd lost her virginity, but she never thought that they'd extend to watching Marshall making out with another man.

Suddenly, Marshall was sitting on the edge of the bed, and Lily pressed herself as close to the wall as she could. She thanked God that they hadn't turned the light on, because that meant that, when Ted got down on the floor, he couldn't see how wide her eyes were.

She heard the soft unzipping of Marshall's fly, saw his erection being freed from his boxers. And then she saw Ted, taking it by the base.

"Just this one time," he said, before taking Marshall's cock into his mouth.

Marshall moaned with satisfaction as Ted's lips played over his member, as his mouth moved up and down the shaft. Lily watched, not sure if she should look away or speak up or anything. She felt guilty, but she got a rush out of it - like sneaking cookies from the kitchen while her mother was in the next room, only so much more than that. If she made so much as a sound, both Ted and Marshall would know what she was - a voyeur.

So, instead, she bit her lip and stuck her hand down her panties. She had masturbated before, but never to quite this level of stimulus. She rubbed her finger against her clit, stroking slowly, prolonging her pleasure. She was already so slick, and she hadn't even come yet. Lily bit back her own noises of satisfaction while Marshall was moaning just as loud as he pleased.

"Oh, God," he cried. "Fuck -- I'm gonna come --"

Just the sound of his voice, wracked with pleasure, pleasure he'd gotten from another man, was enough to bring her off. She felt the wetness soak through her panties as the good feeling washed over her, clouding her vision.

Marshall's body spasmed hard enough to rock the bed. His chest was heaving as Ted swallowed, his lips dragging over Marshall's dick as he pulled away.

"Fuck, dude," Marshall said. Ted nodded.

"Shit, I'm so drunk," said Ted, like nothing had happened. "I'm getting some sleep."

"OK, dude," said Marshall. Lily shut her eyes as he swung onto the bed, still fully clothed, except for his now-flaccid dick hanging out of his boxers. "Don't tell Lily."

"Wasn't gonna." Ted clambered onto the top bunk. "Night."

"Night." It was only seconds before Marshall was snoring.

Lily stared at the bottom of the top bunk for what seemed like hours before she fell asleep again.

#

"Marshall, put that thing away!"

Lily sat up, banging her head against the top bunk. "Ow!"

"Sorry," Marshall said, adjusting himself.

"Thank God you two waited until I fell asleep this time."

"Wait..." Lily's head was still fuzzy from last night, but something wasn't right about this.

"When are you going to get over that?" Marshall asked. "We already apologized."

"Yeah, well, I never needed to see your penis."

"But..." Ted and Marshall finally turned to face her. "What about last night?"

"I'm assuming you two had sex while I was passed out," Ted said, sounding uncertain. "I don't actually remember much."

"Yeah," Marshall said, equally unsure. "That must've been it."

Lily's eyes darted from Marshall, to Ted, and back to Marshall again. They didn't remember.

They didn't remember.

"Y-yeah," said Lily, after a moment. "I'm pretty sure that's what happened."

"Well, I hope you remembered to use a condom."

"Huh," Marshall said. "I don't think I got one from the bathroom, but then again, I don't remember much after the beer bong."

"It's OK," Lily said. "Really. We'll be fine."

How could they not remember?

She sure as hell wasn't going to tell them, though.

#

"Whoa, Lily," Ted said. "Earth to Lily."

Lily blinked, her college reminiscence over. She was in MacLaren's. Barney was still horny, and Ted and Marshall were blissful unaware that they had ever had drunken sex.

"Oh, sorry. Just spaced out for a sex. Sec. As in second."

Ted gave her a funny look, and then turned back to Marshall. Apparently they were discussing how lame the latest Star Wars prequel had been. Lily tried to pay attention, but then she noticed that Barney was giving her A Look. One that clearly said, I know you're holding out on me, Aldrin.

Lily gave him a coy smile and a shrug, as if to say, Maybe, maybe not. But I'll never tell you one way or the other.

You're evil.

Lily shrugged again and turned back to voice her opinion on Anakin and Padme's complete lack of chemistry, but she couldn't help smiling to herself.

College had been the best years of her life.

Drabble Call #2 - Closeted

Mon, 18 May 2009 15:33:50 GMT

OK, so usually I do these more or less in order, but since it's jerseystrife's birthday today, I figured I'd go ahead and write hers now. Enjoy!

Title: Closeted
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing: Barney/Ted
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 210
Warnings: mentions of sex, dialogue-only
Summary: Ted and Barney get locked in a closet together.

“You do realize that I’m blaming you for this, right?”

“Shut up and help me, Ted.”

“Barney, you’re not going to be able to break down the door.”

“I work out every day.”

“... I see you haven’t broken down the door yet.”

“Well, maybe if someone would help me, instead of standing around whining about it, we wouldn’t still be in here.”

“Lily would kill us.”

“This is your apartment.”

“She’d still kill us. She’s the one who installed this door in the first place.”

“Eriksen makes his wife do his housework for him? Lame.”

“Technically she was his girlfriend at the time.”

“Don’t be such a Ted, Ted.”

“Listen, Robin’ll be home soon. We’ll just get her to unlock us.”

“What, so she can make fun of us for the rest of our lives? No, thanks.”

“This is hardly the most compromising situation she’s found us in. Remember that one time in the kitchen?”

“True. Haha, the look on her face was great.” Pause. “OK, we’ll just wait for Scherbatsky.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Did we have a reason to get in here, or did we just want some closet sex?”

“Well, it’s not like we have anything better to do.”

“I like the way you think, Mosby.”

Drabble Call #1 - Debauchery

Sat, 09 May 2009 23:27:50 GMT

Ha, you guys thought that I'd forgotten about this? Well, you'd be right. But then snogged started working on hers, and I figured I'd go ahead and do mine. This one is actually for snogged, with the prompt "Barney/Lily - debauchery". This is probably not what she wanted, but still.

Title: Debauchery
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing: semi-platonic Barney/Lily
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 320
Warning: language
Summary: Lily hates not knowing what to expect of Barney Stinson. Minor AU from "Swarley".

Lily could think of a million places she’d rather be than in a dingy bar with Barney Stinson. Most of them involved tropical islands. A few included Hugh Jackman. All of them had Marshall.

She sat at the table, slowly drinking her beer, while Barney hit on every other chick in the bar, even the ones that (in her completely not-gay opinion) weren’t actually that hot.

Oh, well. She’d given up on trying to understand his thought processes a long time ago.

Barney sat down across from her, smiling drunkenly. Lily sipped her beer.

“So, is this what you do every night?” Lily asked. “When you’re not hanging out with us?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” He brought a tumbler of scotch to his lips. “You sure you don’t want me to wingman for you?”

Lily just looked at him.

“What? It’s not my fault Marshall’s on his third date with Crazy Eyes.”

“Don’t remind me, Swarley.”

He shuddered at the nickname, and finished his drink.

“My offer still stands.”

“What, the wingmanning? Or the sex visa?”

Barney didn’t say anything. He couldn’t even look her in the eyes. Lily wasn’t certain what that meant, if anything.

He’d been so easy to understand, before. He’d been Barney, Ted’s depraved friend. Barney, who she kind-of liked, but mostly just put up with. But then the summer in San Francisco had come along. Not only had it fucked everything up with Marshall, it’d ruined her image of Barney.

Lily didn’t like not knowing what to expect.

After what seemed like an eternity, Barney smiled at her and stood up. She watched him as he went over to hit on a leggy blonde. Then she looked back down at her empty glass.

It’s only later, months later, that Lily realizes that, if Barney’d asked when she was a little more drunk and lonely, she probably would’ve slept with him.

He didn’t, though.

Fic: Heart

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:01:25 GMT

Title: Heart
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing: Lily/Marshall
Rating: G
Wordcount: 330
Summary: Lily's first day as a student teacher was hell.
A/N: I am officially physically unable to write pure fluff. Also, this is my first fic for fanfic50 (which technically I haven't been approved for yet, but whatever).

February 14th, 2001

"Oh, you'll be just fine," Mrs. Cotswald had told her. "They'll just color all day. No problem at all."

Now Lily Aldrin, student teacher, was faced with a room of hopped-up kindergarteners weilding scissors. Mary was crying in a corner because no one had given her a valentine, Calvin was attempting to kiss every girl in the class except for Mary, Zack had gotten chocolate all over his white shirt, and Lily was fairly sure that she had paste in her hair.

For half an hour, Lily just sat down, stunned by the chaos unfolding around her, trying not to burst into tears. Then a criminally short fifth-grader came from the front office with a letter for her. Lily opened the envelope, and the world finally slowed down. It wasn't a letter -- it was a valentine.

It was crudely made, to say the least. It was a pink, ever-so-slightly-lopsided construction-paper heart, with lace and ribbons carefully glued on. In one corner there was a drawing that was probably supposed to be a lily pad; in the other, one that was probably supposed to be a marshmallow. In the middle was scrawled "Be mine?" in black marker.

Everything about it was so awkward, and yet obviously heartfelt. It was Marshall's valentine. It was Marshall's heart.

By the end of the day, Lily had gotten every kid to make Mary a valentine, had lectured Calvin on personal space, and replaced Zack's shirt with one that she stole from the Lost and Found.

More importantly, Lily had decided that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Marshall.

June 21st, 2006

She left all of her pictures of him. She left all of the sweaters he'd bought for her, all of the DVDs they both loved, everything that could remind her of Marshall. He was in all of that, and she couldn't go and discover herself if he was still around.

The only thing she brought that was his was the valentine.

Lily couldn't quite bring herself to let her heart go.

More HIMYMRPG Transcripts

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 06:43:26 GMT

OK, so Lily FINALLY got a chance to talk to Marshall. The first part of this chat is over here.

7:05amLily
God, you should've seen him when Ted and Robin starting sleeping together again.
He was a nervous WRECK.

7:05amMarshall
I did notice some weird twitching I'd never seen before.
I wonder if they checked that out at the hosp.

7:05amLily
He actually came into my class during feelings hour!
And TALKED.

7:06amMarshall
WOW.
He opened up?

7:06amLily
I had to explain to my kindergartners about the dangers of smoking and sharing too much information...
Yeah.

7:06amMarshall
.... to a room full of five year olds, Wow, bad idea jeans.
but still.... good job for... opening up

7:06amLily
I guess.

7:06amMarshall
wait, he's smoking again?

7:06amLily
I just wish he could open up like that more often.
Not the issue here, honey.

7:07amMarshall
Right. focus.
but still, ew.
I'm going to bust his tail for that.

7:07amLily
I mean, if he'd just really talked to Robin, instead of hinting at his feelings, maybe he wouldn't...
It's stupid. HE'S stupid.
God, I'm going to have to kick his ass when he gets back.

7:09amMarshall
He's the kind of stupid kid you see chewing on the leftie scissors, and just need to set straight.
I KNOW you lil. You're going to kick his ass in the most helpful way possible.

7:10amLily
EXACTLY THE METAPHOR I USED.
I will kick his ass constructively, clearly explaining why I am doing so.

7:10amMarshall
wait, seriously?
Score one for the married couple!!!
.....

7:11amLily
"This kick is for you taking drugs. This punch if for you taking alcohol with said drugs. This is for being an emotionally stunted idiot, and THIS is for making me worry so damn much!"
Score!

7:11amMarshall
I'm sorry. It must be the late night
my mind just went to ... a very.... odd.... place

7:11amLily
What?

7:11amMarshall
I think I need a drink

7:11amLily
I could probably do with one of those, too.

7:11amMarshall
You, ma'am, are very sexy when you're angry

7:11amLily
Wanna beer?

7:11amMarshall
That's all I'm going to say.
Sure... Thanks, babe. Want me to grab them? you've had a long day

7:12amLily
Nah, it's fine. I'll get them.

7:12amMarshall
:)

7:12amLily
*goes to the fridge*

7:12amMarshall
*calls* Oof. I guess we should leave to go get heather soon, yeah?

7:12amLily
*gets beers*
*brings them to the couch*
Here you go.

7:12amMarshall
cheers. *clink!*]

7:13amLily
Yeah, we probably should, shouldn't we?

7:13amMarshall
*sighhh*

7:13amLily
OK, so one beer, and then we go.

7:13amMarshall
here I am, after a long day, with a beautiful woman on my couch, about to pour her full of alcohol... and what do we talk about?
another woman.
*sigghh*

7:13amLily
Robin.
I don't think she even knows what she's DONE.

7:14amMarshall
Oh, god... Robin....
I told ... James? this already, but IMHO
Robin needs to get a freaking clue
and fast.
she's KILLING barney, here...

7:15amLily
Yeah, I know.
I was REALLY close to telling her, the other day.

7:15amMarshall
oh, this is going to be FUnnnnn, isn't it.
The two of them.

7:15amLily
She was like, "Barney's been acting really weird, and I don't know what I've done".

7:16amMarshall
Not talking about This to each other.
YOU KNOW she knows, though
She has to know
How can she NOT know?!

7:16amLily
Well, I think she knows, deep down.
She just can't ACCEPT it.
I mean, this is Barney Stinson we're talking about.
And it's going to be this huge elephant in the room, with you and me and Barney knowing, and Ted's gotta figure it out sooner or later, and Robin not-knowing in her own weird way.

7:18amMarshall
If ted doesn't know already
Lily... how do you see this ENDING?
They're Barney and Robin.
Do you see them ending up like... us?
I mean, look at what happened after Ted and Robin split. We almost lost the group then... do you think we can take it if it happens again?
and forget the GROUP. what's going to happen to BARNEY??

7:18amLily
Well, I don't know.
God, I don't even like to think about.
It.
In my mind, they're talking, and Barney blurts it out, and we all live happily ever after.
But it's not going to be like that.
Not after this, at least.

And there's a big chunk afterwards, where Marshall's all lovely and reassuring, and basically calms Lily down, and DC is doing such a great job with him. :)

Then, immediately after that, Lily had a talk with Ted, which was also epically awesome.

7:28amLily
Hi, Ted.
How're you?

7:28amTed
hey Lil! Kind of tired, but I'm all right. You?

7:29amLily
Same, really.
Marshall and I are getting ready to pick up Heather.

7:29amTed
Oh, awesome!

7:29amLily
It's so nice to finally TALK to him.

7:29amTed
Yeah, I'm sure.

7:29amLily
What's going on over there?

7:29amTed
At least you get to see him for a little while on his birthday, right?

7:29amLily
Yeah. :)

7:30amTed
Oh man, Lily... I don't even know.

7:30amLily
That's bad, right?

7:30amTed
I mean, Barney's okay. He was awake and we were talking this afternoon, and I think they might release him soon?

7:30amLily
Well, that's good.

7:30amTed
(or James'll break him out... kind of confusing)
Yeah, it is...
but...

7:31amLily
The bad part?

7:31amTed
something happened with him and Robin.

7:31amLily
What?

7:31amTed
She kissed him.

7:31amLily
OH MY GOD.

7:31amTed
Yeah.

7:31amLily
How... what..
What the hell happened?

7:32amTed
Okay, so he and I were talking, and he kept asking where Robin was
and then she shows up, and I leave them alone
and apparently, from the little Barney told me about what actually happened, she ended up kissing him
and then being all weird about it, saying it was like she was seducing him to stay in NY
and she ran out... I think she was trying to text you?
but yeah. it's kind of a mess.
Barney was telling me he doesn't even want to be her friend anymore.

7:33amLily
Oh, no.
No no no.

7:33amTed
And I haven't talked to Robin, so I don't know what's going on with her.
He told me... that Robin was kind of a big reason behind Vegas.
And... all this, basically.
Lily, can we...
can we do anything to fix this?
Because I don't know what to do.

7:35amLily
Believe me, Ted, I've been trying to fix this for days. There's nothing we can do.

7:35amTed
Ah, Barney's checking out tomorrow afternoon from the hospital, James says.
I don't know if I should be choosing sides here, or what.

7:36amLily
I don't know.
Do you think Robin should stay and try and sort things out?

7:36amTed
I mean, I don't *want* to choose between them, but...
I don't know what Robin wants to do.
I haven't talked to her since before this happened.

7:36amLily
Oh, man.
This is very, very bad.

7:37amTed
She seemed... torn about leaving before, saying she wasn't going to come home unless she was sure he was gonig to be all right.
I know.

7:38amLily
Yeah, I know, she said that.
Wait, did she kiss him, or did he kiss her?

7:38amTed
She kissed him.

7:38amLily
Oh, Jesus.

7:38amTed
He kept telling me that he didn't do anything, that he was a "perfect gentleman," because I think he was worried about another de-broing or something.

7:39amLily
You wouldn't, would you?
I mean, hypothetically.

7:39amTed
No, of course not!

7:39amLily
OK, good.

7:40amTed
Wait, you mean if he HAD taken advantage of her again?

7:40amLily
I don't know.
Everything's different now.

7:40amTed
Yeah.
It's all too confusing.

7:41amLily
God. Barney.

7:41amTed
Yeah.
He's really messed up now, Lil.

7:41amLily
I can imagine.

7:42amTed
I mean, to almost die and then have your best friend kiss you...?

7:42amLily
Yeah. And...
Jeez.

7:42amTed
And?

7:43amLily
Well. OK, I wasn't supposed to tell you, but it's a lot more complicated than it seems.

7:43amTed
What do you mean?

7:43amLily
And I'm only telling you so you can help, so Barney can't get mad at me.

7:43amTed
ok...

7:44amLily
Barney... has feelings for Robin.

7:44amTed
...
...You know about that too?

7:44amLily
WHAT THE HELL.
YOU KNEW?

7:44amTed
SO DID YOU!

7:44amLily
Well, YEAH, but...
Did he tell you?

7:45amTed
He didn't really have to.
He bought us a dishwasher so we'd stop sleeping together.

7:45amLily
True. He's been TOTALLY obvious about it.
Wow, really?

7:45amTed
And like, $4000 worth of stamps.
Yup.
And he keeps buying milk, too.

7:45amLily
Man, he didn't tell me about that.

7:46amTed
Yeah... well, I walked in on him cleaning our apartment because he said he was worried about us fighting all the time
(read: having sex)

7:46amLily
Yeah.

7:46amTed
and then I saw him give her this *look* that night, you know?

7:46amLily
Yeah.

7:46amTed
And then it was just... totally obvious.

7:47amLily
I thought you'd figure it out. But I didn't know you already had.

7:47amTed
Do you think Marshall knows too?
You can't tell him!

7:48amLily
Yeah, he does.

7:48amTed
WHAT?

7:48amLily
James told him today.

7:48amTed
oh.

7:48amLily
I had to Twenty Question him to get him to tell.

7:48amTed
okay, obviously James would know about that.
Wow, he held out better than I thought he would.

7:49amLily
Well, it only took like two questions.

7:49amTed
I mean, if you had to resort to the 20 questions to get him to -- oh.

7:49amLily
"Is it about Robin?" "Is it about Barney?"
So, now we ALL know, except Barney doesn't know that Marshall knows, and Robin doesn't know anything.

7:50amTed
Pretty much.
But seriously, if I picked up on it after the dishwasher thing, how could she NOT?

7:50amLily
And Marshall doesn't know that you know, but I'll tell him.

7:50amTed
not to mention the way he keeps staring longingly at her...

7:50amLily
I don't know.

7:51amTed
ok. good for us all to be on the same page.

7:51amLily
I think she actually does know, deep down, but she refuses to accept it.

7:51amTed
*sighs*

7:51amLily
Why must our friends all be so monumentally stupid?

7:51amTed
It can't keep going on like this, Lily.
I don't know.

7:51amLily
She's going to have to find out.
She can't just go around, kissing him and not knowing.

7:52amTed
I know!
I actually told Barney that I thought he should tell her
once he told me about the kissing

7:52amLily
Barney's not going to tell her.

7:52amTed
yeah, I know.

7:52amLily
Robin... she told him that she could never go for a guy who slept around.
I think that's what set him off.

7:53amTed
oh yeah, he mentioned that to me.
he told me that that WAS what set him off.

7:53amLily
Crap.

7:53amTed
but he totally blamed himself for everything.

Lily
God, who knew he had such a martyr complex?

7:54amTed
he's just being so frustrating.
And he told me... he told me he can't keep this up for much longer.

7:54amLily
You're telling me.
Wait, keep what up?

7:55amTed
acting like he's not in love with her, having to deal with her obliviousness, her hot-coldness...
He actually said that he's going to end up killing himself if they keep it up like that.
and I don't know how seriously I should take him at his word

7:56amLily
Oh my God.

7:56amTed
after all that happened this week
he might have already tried with the overdose, but I'm not sure...

7:57amLily
I don't even know.
I wish I could talk to him, but we're never on at the same time.

7:57amTed
he insists that he wasn't trying to kill himself with the speed

7:57amLily
And I don't know what I could say.

7:57amTed
that sucks.
I think he really needs to hear from you.
at least send him a message or something.
hell, I never know what to say to him.

7:58amLily
I did send him a message, like yesterday, but he hasn't replied.

7:58amTed
really? maybe he just missed it... he was asleep for most of yesterday and a lot of the morning

7:58amLily
Yeah, I'll send him another.
I really am going to have to kick his ass when he gets back.

7:59amTed
You seriously are. =)
He's going to need you to whip him into shape.

7:59amLily
Well, I can't say I haven't tried.
I told him to stop sleeping around, but he didn't really try very hard with that one.

8:00amTed
heh... no, not so much.

8:01amLily
This is just completely screwed up.

8:01amTed
I know.
*sighs*

8:03amLily
Ha, just noticed your status.

8:03amTed
Well, it's true.

8:03amLily
I think we need to make a flow chart to figure this all out.

8:04amTed
haha, probably
So... where does all of this even start?
this weekend?
last may?
the night he met Robin?

8:05amLily
Not that early, I don't think.
Although, considering the drama with you and Robin, maybe.

8:05amTed
yeah, see, I don't even know.
Like, everything that happened lately has been building for a while... he didn't just go on a bender because Robin said one thing to him.

8:06amLily
No.
It's been... everything.

8:06amTed
yeah.

8:06amLily
He's been bottling things up for a REALLY long time.

8:06amTed
I know.

8:07amLily
Like, longer than you or I have known him.

8:07amTed
yeah, probably.
he's kind of been like that since the night I met him, you know? bottling things up.
or, I could tell after I knew him a little longer.

8:08amLily
Oh, yeah, you guys met in the urinal. :P

8:08amTed
yeah, whatever.

8:10amLily
Listen, I gotta go -- cab's here.

8:10amTed
ok

8:10amLily
Call me if anything else happens, OK?

8:10amTed
I will.

8:10amLily
Or if you just wanna talk.

8:10amTed
=) I will.
you too, okay?

Lily
Yeah, I will.
Bye!

8:11amTed
bye, Lily.

Darlingchaos and da_phoenix = goddesses. I am totally serious.

RP Fic: Thursday

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:03:03 GMT

So, yeah. I finally took a stab at FBHIMYMRPG fic. (Blame darlingchaosfor the acronym.) It kind of makes no sense if you're not actually involved in the madness, so sorry for that. Also, I kind of borrowed Victoria for this fic, and I have some stuff that I stole from Ted and Barney (and paraphrasing Robin). But the rest is all Lily.

Title: Thursday
Fandom: HIMYM (Facebook RP verse)
Character(s): Lily
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1640
Warning: swearing
Summary: Lily's just trying to get through her day.

Today’s Thursday.

School’s letting out early today – Easter break. No school tomorrow, either. And next week off.

There’s a part of Lily that wishes that she’d had this week off instead. There’s a larger part of her that’s glad she didn’t.

She’s about to leave when she remembers the staff party – the one she’d helped organize, two weeks ago, a lifetime ago. Lily considers making an excuse, saying that she has a stomachache, only not a stomachache because she’s at a time in her life where everyone would assume she was pregnant. A headache. She definitely has one of those.

But she decides to go. It’s not like she has anything better to do, anyway.

No one at work knows about Barney.

So, she stands there, washing down Mrs. Cotswold’s bone-dry cake with warm fruit juice, and her mind wanders to what should’ve happened today.

The plane would’ve arrived late last night. Lily would’ve called Robin and Barney after work. They’d have told her about California, talking about the beaches and their drunken escapades and how James was doing.

Lily might’ve asked Barney about Robin, and the message he’d sent; he might’ve even told her. Didn’t matter.

None of that was happening, now.

* * *

It’s hard to stress shop when you can’t buy anything.

Lily knows she can’t splurge – the last thing she needs right now is a credit card bill. But, still.

She wanders over to the clearance rack. Her eyes light upon a blue shirt. She pulls it off the rack. It’s pretty nice, and dirt cheap, only twelve dollars.

Lily notices that they also have it in red.

She looks at the two shirts. One red, one blue. Kind of like the Matrix, only not. Which one does she want?

She doesn’t want to make the wrong decision.

“Poor Robin,” she said. “Having to deal with this by herself.”

“I know!” Ted said. “She must be so stressed out.” There was a pause. “If he’s going to stay at the hospital for a while, maybe we should go to LA?I don’t know.”

Lily didn’t know, either. She knew she couldn’t leave – she couldn’t leave Marshall behind, even though she’d barely seen him since the North Korea crisis. Besides, she couldn’t exactly afford a last-minute flight to California.

Should Ted go?

“If you think you should.”

She hated not being able to choose.

She puts both shirts back.

Lily stared at her phone for a while.

Either Robin has to leave Barney and get back to New York, or she’ll get fired, and possibly deported.

Lily tried to figure out what would be better. In the short-term (Barney wouldn’t have her there by his side, he’d think she didn’t care), in the long-term (if she got fired, Barney’d blame himself, which he really didn’t need), for everyone (Lily wants her back, but what about everyone else?).

She began to text back.

“Just try and hold off from saying anything definite for as long as you can.”

Like Robin hadn’t been doing that, like Lily’s advice was actually doing anything.

Lily was tired of not being able to do anything. Of being useless.

She hit send.

It’s funny. When Robin asked her for advice, Lily’d been afraid that she’d figured out Barney’s feelings.

She browses through the shoe section, but there’s nothing in her size.

* * *

It’s Thursday. Marshall’s birthday is tomorrow. It snuck up on her – this all snuck up on her. Hell, she’d be surprised if he remembered.

She hasn’t really spoken to him for days. He comes home late, after she’s gone to sleep, and he leaves before she gets up. And she can’t call him.

She called Claudia first to tell her that Barney wouldn’t be meeting her.

Lily considered calling everyone on her contacts list, telling them all. Barney wouldn’t want everyone knowing about it, and she knew that. But she really wanted to avoid that last call.

There was a moment of panic when he didn’t pick up his cell. She took a deep breath, and called the front desk.

“Hello?”

“Hi. This is Lily Aldrin. Marshall Eriksen’s wife? I really need to speak to him.”

“I’m very sorry, ma’am.” Was she really old enough for a ma’am? She shakes her head; not important.

“No, please, you don’t understand. It’s an emergency.”

“Everyone’s busy with the crisis. I can’t put you through. Goodbye.”

“No, please...”

Click.

Lily tried again, but they wouldn’t even take her calls.

Her friend was dying a thousand miles away, and she couldn’t even talk to her husband.

She needed him.

She stops by Buttercup Bakery on the way home. Victoria’s back from Germany at exactly the right time.

“Hey,” Victoria said, smiling. Lily smiles back. “How are you? I heard about Barney.”

“I’m OK,” she lies. “Do you do deliveries?”

“Sure. Do you have the address?”

“Yeah, I do.” She gives Victoria one of Marshall’s business cards. “So, I’d like one of your special chocolate cakes delivered to Marshall around noon tomorrow.”

“Sure thing. Do you want me to write on it?”

Her first thought is to ask for “Happy Birthday, Marshmallow”. But then she reconsiders. The guys at work will see this, and the last thing she wants is to embarrass him.

She doesn’t want to say the wrong thing.

The email feels like a punch to the gut.

“I asked Scherbatsky if she could go out with a guy with my... colorful... sexual history...

“And she basically said no.”

Her heart broke for him, like when he’d made that first plaintive confession. He’d been so lost, so confused.

Sometimes Lily wished he’d never told her.

“Not that I ever had a chance with an awesome gal like her anyway, right?”

Oh, Barney.

She typed, “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”

She spent an hour trying to think of something – anything else to say.

In the end, she didn’t reply at all.

“OK. Just ‘Happy Birthday Marshall’.”

“All right,” Victoria says, taking a note.

“Oh, and...” It’s a stupid idea. “Could you make a lily pad in the corner? Like, out of icing?”

“Of course. Cash or credit card?”

“Cash.” Lily pulls out a fifty, gets change back. She smiles at Victoria. “Well, I’ll see you.”

“Wait.” Victoria turns around and goes to the back. When she returns, she’s holding cupcake with pink icing. “You look like you could use it.”

“That’s so sweet! But, really...”

“No, I insist.” She smiles again. “On the house.”

Lily thanks her and leaves.

Victoria passed the front porch test, when she was going out with Ted. With flying colors.

* * *

When Lily gets home, it’s only about two in the afternoon.

She tries to call GNB again, but she thinks they might’ve blocked her number, because no one picks up. Assholes.

She sits down on the couch, opens up her laptop. The first thing she does is log onto Facebook. Heather’s OK. Ted and Robin snuck into Barney’s hospital room. James and Tom broke up.

Any one of those would be big, on their own.

After a few minutes, she logs off. She can’t just sit around and wait for news.

But what if she misses something huge?

Every night for the past week, Lily stayed up, glued to the computer. She saw people pop up online, and she didn’t know if she should message them. Most of the time, she decided not to. If they really needed her, they’d message her, right?

She goes into the kitchen and roots around for something to eat. They’re low on everything – milk, bread, meat. How long has it been since she’s gone grocery shopping?

She wants to run down to the store right away, but she decides against it. Save it for later. Instead she grabs a bag of chips and goes over to the TV. When she turns it on, the first thing she sees is news. About North Korea, ironically enough.

She starts to channel-flip, the old-fashioned way. Eventually she lands on some dumb sitcom, one she’s never seen and never really wanted to. Lily doesn’t turn it off, though.

She watches them, sitting in a bar, while the laugh track cackles in the background (she always hated laugh tracks), and she thinks about how tonight was supposed to be.

They’d all be in the bar, together, around seven. Ted, talking about his new firm and his latest date. Robin, cracking jokes about her job. Marshall, sitting next to Lily, warm and solid and reassuring, holding her hand under the table. And Barney. Barney would alternate between lewd comments and puppy-dog eyes, thinking no one would notice. He’d be loud and obnoxious and funny and whole.

But now he’s lying in a hospital bed on the other side of the country, on fucking suicide watch, and Ted and Robin are sitting in the hospital and trying to convince the nurses that they should be with him, and Marshall’s doing god knows what for eighteen hours a day, and Lily’s all alone, curled up on the end of the sofa, trying her best not to cry her eyes out.

How the hell did this all happen? Why did it all have to happen at the same time?

If she could undo the past week, she would. But she can’t. She can’t do anything.

She wipes at her eyes, which only makes things worse, and she thinks about turning the TV off, but she doesn’t.

She gets a message from Robin. She doesn’t read it properly – she just sees the part about her coming home. Tomorrow. Friday.

Two days after she was supposed to be here.

Lily sees that she missed a call from Marshall, and that sets her off again. She never realized how much she hated crying. It’s so... pathetic. And useless.

She needs to go grocery shopping.

Fic: Ninety-Nine Days

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 10:11:54 GMT

OK, so this was written for the_spin, who wanted a fic where Robin and Barney torture the nurses. This only vaguely covers the prompt, but I hope she likes it anyway.

Title: Ninety-Nine Days
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Rating: PG-ish
Wordcount: 820
Warnings: innuendo, mild language
Summary: Barney's stuck in the hospital, amusing himself and struggling with feelings.

Day Six.

It becomes clear that Barney should never be allowed to have nurses on-call.

"Nurse, can I have a glass of water?"

"Sure."

Two minutes later.

"Nurse, can I have another blanket?"

"Right away, Mr. Stinson."

Another two minutes.

"Nurse?"

"Yes, Mr. Stinson?"

"What're you doing three to six months from Friday night?"

"I don't know, Mr. Stinson."

"You sure? I mean, after all this lying around and physio, I should be --"

"Goodbye, Mr. Stinson."

Meanwhile, Robin's in the corner, pretending not to laugh, and that shouldn't feel as good as it does.

***

Day Twenty-Nine.

Barney really hates daytime TV.

He used to like Jerry Springer, but there's only so many midgets getting paternity tests that you can take day after day. And whose idea was it to replace Bob Barker with Drew Carey?

The soaps were all right. Kept his mind (somewhat) busy. There's plenty of hot chicks in them, but he couldn't really focus on them. Not with the... Robin thing.

"Hey," she says, poking her head inside of the hospital room. He grins like an idiot.

"Scherbatsky! Thank God you showed up. I was about to strangle myself with my IV cord."

"Don't say that," she says. "So, you can move your arms now?"

"To a certain extent." He eyes the brown bag she's carrying. "What's in there? Please tell me it's booze. The nurses are so unreasonable about bringing me alcohol."

"No, it's not, but I think you'll like it anyway." She inspects the TV and finds the DVD slot (when had they installed that?). "So, do you want Not-so-little Miss Sunshine, or the ever-classic Busty Babes IX?"

"You brought me porn?"

She nods. He grins.

"Which one will piss the nurses off more, do you think?" she asks, and he can't think of a single way she could be better.

This is bad.

"Scherbatsky, you know, with these casts, I'm going to need you to --"

"No, Barney."

This is very bad.

***

Day Forty-One.

Ted, Marshall, and Lily troop into the hospital room. Robin is conspicuously absent.

"Where's Scherbatsky?" Barney asks, trying to be nonchalant but failing miserably.

"The nurses wouldn't let her in," Marshall says.

"Something about her carrying a concealed weapon," says Lily, as she puts the vase of flowers on Barney's bedside table.

One press of the button and a semi-legal money exchange later, Robin's in there with them, ranting about the unfair bias against gun owners in New York.

***

Day Sixty-Three.

His physiotherapy is kind of hell.

His muscles have atrophied in a serious way, so it starts out small -- moving his feet, some stretches. It shouldn't be this hard.

Marshall drops by more often than he'd like, and Barney and his physiotherapist always shoo him away. Whenever Ted and Lily show up during his sessions, they always scurry away again, as if embarrassed to have seen him this way.

But Robin just sits and watches. Not disturbing him, not speaking. She just waits until he's done.

He can't decide whether he likes that or not.

***

Day Ninety-Nine.

He's finally released, one day short of one hundred. He's spent his entire summer in that stupid hospital.

It's Robin who drives him home.

As he sits beside her, trying not to look at her too much, he remembers a conversation he had with his nurse a while back, sometime in June.

"Nurse?"

"Would you stop hitting on me?"

"No, it's... it's not that." He's feeling emotional because of the drugs, he tells himself. Otherwise why would he tell a complete stranger about this?

Although, once someone's changed your bedpan, it's kind of easy to trust them with your secrets.

"How do you get rid of feelings?" he asks.

"What?"

"Like, romantic feelings."

"Mr. Stinson, I'm --"

"It's not you." He should probably make some sort of effort to apologize for his bluntness, but he doesn't. "It's someone else."

"That crazy brunette girl who shows up all the time?"

"Yeah. Can you give me something for those?"

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, but there's nothing we can do. About that."

"So it's incurable?"

"It's not a disease. Don't you know that?"

And now he's here, next to Robin, feeling sick to his stomach and so scared of her.

"So, are you ready to awesome it up? Everyone's missed you."

She expects him to be ready and raring to go the minute he gets out of the hospital. Hell, everyone does, because that's who he is. Barney Stinson, on the go, all the time.

"Sure. It's going to be legendary."

She smiles, and there's those feelings again, the ones that tease him, the ones that bring him up and then leave him to crash, the ones that have tricked him into thinking it's all worth it. Again.

He stares out the window.

He doesn't know, actually. He doesn't know at all.

HIMYM RP of epicness continues

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 22:47:16 GMT

So far on HIMYM the Soap Opera, Barney's out in California, being depressed about Robin and James, while Lily and Ted are trying to figure out what the hell's going on.

10:35pmLily
Hey.

11:03pmRobin
hey! still there?

11:04pmLily
Yeah, I'm here.
How's it going?

11:04pmRobin
hey! it's good. chillin on the beach, can you believe it?
how are you?

11:05pmLily
I'm OK. Jealous. :P

11:05pmRobin
haha yeah. :) But... I'll be back tomorrow
Is Facebook being totally screwy?

11:06pmLily
Not really. Why?
(Looking forward to it. MacLaren's is less fun without you guys.)

11:06pmRobin
it was being so bizarre. I tried to post on Barney's wall (seriously, I think he needs sleep. he's seeing parrots everywhere) and it ended up posting my current status?! or just deleting the message I typed altogether
i know! I mean, LA is nice, but I'm missing that New York feel

11:07pmLily
Yeah, Ted said something about him being sleep-deprived and screwy.
What's going on, anyway?

11:07pmRobin
With Barney, you mean?

11:08pmLily
Yeah. I mean, I get that you and him had a fight or something, and then there's GNB, and something about James.

11:08pmRobin
Oh man.
I don't even know, Lily.
Barney's just...
I don't know. Himself.
He hasn't slept in about 72 hours,
and then James and Tom had this huge fight and he totally blamed himself
and then he and I sort of got into a fight
and then
suddenly he was Awesome!Barney again acting like everything was fine
and being his usually self
hitting on maids at the hotel
going to meetings with some Korean businesswoman here in LA
it's like watching a train wreck.

11:10pmLily
Oh, God.

11:10pmRobin
I'm trying to be there for him and get him to relax.
but i don't know if i'm doing any good.
have you seen him like this before?

11:11pmLily
Not really. Sort of.
Not this bad.

11:11pmRobin
it feels like... everything's moving too fast or something.

11:12pmLily
Yeah, so much has happened.

11:13pmRobin
Maybe when we're back Ted and Marshall can talk some sense into him.
BRB

11:13pmLily
OK.

11:18pmRobin
back, sorry

11:18pmLily
It's OK.

11:19pmLily
Are you OK? I mean, being in the middle of all of that.

11:20pmRobin
Yeah. I think so. Things have been about 10% tense with Barney (after our argument), 90% good. He's just worried about James. And I'm liking being out here. We've had some fun
Speaking of James
He is pretty great, yeah?

11:20pm
Robin wrote on Barney Stinson's wall.

11:22pmLily
Yeah, James is nice.

11:23pmRobin
maybe he and tom will move to NY for sam's schooling

11:24pmLily
Yeah, Barney asked me for a list of good preschools in Manhattan the other day.

11:24pmRobin
haha... he going to make some calls?

11:25pmLily
Possibly.
It seems like a big move, though, especially if they're having problems.

11:25pmRobin
Yeah. I think things are pretty tense. At least Tom finally came home today though.

11:26pmLily
Wow, he left?

11:26pmRobin
I guess they had a fight yesterday and Tom walked out to cool off.

11:27pmLily
Oh, wow.

11:27pmRobin
I haven't really talked to them about it... I just saw James's status.

11:28pmLily
Oh, yeah.

11:28pm
Robin wrote on Ranjit Singh's wall.

11:29pmRobin
I forgot to ask
so i marshall having to deal with this GNB meltdown?

11:31pm
Robin wrote on Barney Stinson's wall.

11:31pmLily
Yeah, he's been working a lot, but I think it's starting to cool down a little.

11:31pmRobin
cool

11:37pm
Robin wrote on Ranjit Singh's wall.

11:49pmLily
Are you with Barney right now?

11:49pmRobin
yeah. Crap, Lil, I think he took something bad. Should I take him to the hospital?

11:50pmLily
Might be a good idea. But what if he gets into trouble?

11:50pmRobin
Okay... I think we're at different beaches. he's texting me. Oh god, James is going to kill me.

11:51pmLily
It's going to be OK, just try and get to him, all right?

11:51pmRobin
I will.

And here's the chat with Ted. OK, so there was actually this long section where Ted and Lily were talking about Barney, and how he refuses to open up to them (all the while, Lily's feeling a little guilty, because Barney has opened up to her, but she doesn't know that Ted knows that Barney has feelings for Robin, and so didn't say anything), and why Barney can open up to James and not to Ted, but Facebook didn't save it. Anyway, we got onto the subject of Victoria, and that's where we pick up. The earlier part of this conversation is in the comments.

Ted
But at least you've gotten over that now. Right?

11:23pmLily
Are you going to see Victoria again?
Yeah, I guess.

11:24pmTed
Yeah, we're planning to get coffee or drinks sometime later this week.
You know. Whatever.

11:25pmLily
Good. (Hopefully she isn't going to try and kill you.) :P

11:26pmTed
Yeah, hopefully she doesn't make like, cyanide cupcakes or something...
Nah, she seemed totally cool when I was messaging her.

11:26pmLily
That's good.

11:47pmTed
I'm chatting with [Barney] right now and he's STILL going on about parrots.

11:47pmLily
Oh, man.

11:47pmTed
and I'm not sure, but he may have taken ecstasy from some kid at the hotel.

11:47pmLily
What?

11:47pmTed
something. he wouldn't say what it was.
I don't think he knows what it is.

11:48pmLily
Oh, man.
Is he alone?

11:48pmTed
Um, I'm not sure. I think Robin's with him.

11:49pmLily
I'll ask her -- I'm talking to her, too.
This is so messed up.

11:50pmTed
I know. I'm trying to play along to get info out of him.

11:50pmLily
OK. Robin's thinking about taking him to the hospital. I think he might've taken alcohol with it?
Crap crap CRAP.

11:51pmTed
He sounds really depressed! He just said "THe Barnacle rides alone" all depressed-like

11:52pmLily
Oh, man.
I wish I had some way of contacting James.
I don't know what Robin's going to be able to do for him.

11:53pmTed
Is he online?

11:53pmLily
No, he's not.

11:54pmLily
And Barney's gone offline.

11:55pmTed
I'm still chatting with him.

11:55pmLily
OK.

11:58pmTed
I'm trying to talk him down... I think it's working a little?

11:59pmLily
Should I try talking to him? I mean, I don't want to overwhelm him, and last time I tried he seemed kind of... I dunno.

11:59pmTed
It can't hurt... he's at the beach and seems to be relaxing right now, but I'm afraid that something I say might make it worse

Today
12:00amLily
Yeah, I know the feeling.

12:11amLily
And now he's telling me we'll "talk later".

12:11amTed
He seems okay talking to me... does he seem better to you at all?
maybe Robin showed up

12:11amLily
Not really.

12:11amTed
Crap.

12:11amLily
Yeah, Robin's there.

12:12amTed
I tried to distract him by telling him about that girl Kelly from last night, but I don't think that helped much.

12:12amLily
Not sure how much good she'll do.

12:12amTed
We got kind of sappy for a moment anyway.
Yeah, I'm not sure either.

12:12amLily
I just humored him.

12:13amLily
But he just sort of told me I should come paint the parrots, and how Robin was in a bikini, and then he blocked me out again.

12:13amTed
He kept telling me the parrots were begging for dirty details about boobs and stuff.
Sigh.

12:14amLily
I wonder if Robin's really going to take him to the hospital.
At the very least, he needs rest.

12:15amTed
I hope so. I think he needs to.
Yeah, a sedative or something?

12:15amLily
Maybe.
Hopefully it's not as serious as that.

12:18amTed
I think I convinced him to go with Robin to the hospital!
Using the "guys who get in fights" angle.

12:18amLily
OK, good.

12:18amTed
Sometimes it helps to get on his level. =)

12:18amLily
Well, whatever works.

12:18amTed
Yep.

12:19amLily
Poor Robin, having to deal with this.

12:19amTed
I know! She must be so stressed out.
If he's going to stay at the hospital for a while, maybe we SHOULD go to LA? i don't know...

12:22amLily
If you think you should.

12:23amTed
I don't know. I'm talking to Robin, I'll see what she needs me to do.

So, yeah. Basically, it's kind of going nuts. Remember how we just started this to get some guy off of secondmezzanine's back? :P

Picspam: Seven Reasons Why Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is Exactly That

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 23:49:41 GMT

(da_phoenix13, I am blaming you. Also, caps by digitalius.)

I have loved Bill & Ted since I was about eight years old. It's basically what Doctor Who would be like if the writers decided to smoke a whole lot of weed. Two kids, Ted "Theodore" Logan, and Bill S. Preston, Esq., who are trying to start a band called the Wyld Stallyns. However, neither of them are very bright, and they're both failing history. They have to pass their latest history project, or else Ted's dad is going to send him to military school in Alaska. Luckily for them, a man called Rufus shows up with a phonebooth that can take them anywhere in time in order for them to ace their history project and preserve the future utopia founded on their music.

If that description was not enough to make you love this movie, here's seven more reasons why BaTEA is the best movie ever.

1. George Carlin as Rufus.

Rufus: Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California — 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean. The water is clean. Even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up. Minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry: it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

George Carlin (RIP) is one of the funniest men who ever lived. So, of course, he shows up as the wise old guy who gives Bill and Ted the keys to their very own time machine.

Now, George could've come in and hammed this up as much as he could. But he didn't. He went in and played Rufus completely straight, and he ROCKED IT. While Bill and Ted are off being loveable stoners, and the plot is being completely nuts, Rufus is the most awesome straight man to have ever lived.

You know that he's better than you.

2. You will never take Keanu Reeves seriously again (if you could before).

Ted: Now your dad's going at it in your own room!
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Your step-mom is cute, though.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Remember when I asked her to the Prom.
Bill: Shut up, Ted!

This movie will ruin you for Keanu Reeves. No matter what else you see him in, you will always be waiting for him to say, "Excellent, dude!" On the down side, this makes watching the Matrix with friends way more awkward. On the other hand, however, you might actually be able to enjoy Constantine.

3. It is REALLY quotable.

I could talk about this, but I'll just show you.

Jock: Everything is different, but the same... things are more moderner than before... bigger, and yet smaller... it's computers... San Dimas High School football rules.

Bill: Okay, Ted, George Washington. One: the father of our country.
Ted: Two: born on President's Day.
Bill: Three: the dollar bill guy.
Ted: Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? It's like, just like...
Bill: Ted. Alaska.
Ted: Okay. Um... Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
Bill: That's Captain Ahab, dude.

Bill: How's it going? I'm Bill, this is Ted. We're from the future.
Socrates: Socrates.
Ted: Now what?
Bill: I dunno. Philosophize with him!
Ted: "All we are is dust in the wind," dude.

Ted: Bill?
Bill: Yeah?
Ted: I believe our adventure through time has taken a most serious turn.

Needless to say, it will take you several days to stop saying "dude".

4. Seeing historical figures in RIDICULOUS situations.

Billy the Kid (aka "Mr. the Kid") and Socrates (aka "Soh-crates") run away from medieval guards.

Napolean pigs out on mall food.

Genghis Khan totally ravages Oshman's Sporting Goods store.

I think we need no further evidence for this point.

5. The bromance.

Bill and Ted are best buds. If you aren't the type of person to slash characters, their honest affection for each other is endearing. If you ARE the type of person to slash characters... Whoo, boy.

Air guitar. The first of many that they share.

Bill: Whoa! Ted! You're alive!
Ted: Yeah! I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor.

They hug.

Bill & Ted: Fag!

NO PERSONAL SPACE.

6. The Power of Rock.

The best part, in my opinion, about the silly "plot" business is the ultimate reason why Bill and Ted have to get their history project done -- their band.

Bill & Ted: WE ARE WYLD STALLYNS!

You see, in the future, Bill and Ted form a band, and their music brings about world peace and solves all of humanity's problems.

I am so completely NOT making this up.

One of the Three Most Important People In the World: It's you!
Ted: Yeah! It's us! (to Bill) Who are we?

They all start to play air guitar, very seriously. Of course, Bill and Ted join in. Then a whole bunch of other people show up, and it's all quasi-religious and AWESOME.

Ted: Bill, I think they want us to say something.
Bill: What should I say?
Ted: Make something up.
Bill: Be excellent to each other.
Ted: Party on, dudes!
Bill: Good one, dude.

Such unashamed belief in the power of rock is both quaint and amazing, and it raises this movie to a whole 'nother level of awesome.

7. The ending is the most whacked-out thing EVER.

It's Billy the Kid, Sigmund Freud, Joan of Arc, Genghis Khan, Abraham Lincoln, Socrates, and many more historical figures on stage together. All while Bill and Ted carry on with their Valley Speak and their total lack of any historical knowledge. It's seriously something else.

THAT IS GENGHIS KHAN. FIGHTING ONSTAGE IN FRONT OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND BILLY THE KID AND SOCRATES. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS MOVIE.

So, in conclusion, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is, quite simply, the best movie ever. Go and see it. Now.

Zombie!Fic - As Long As We Both Shall Live

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:33:13 GMT

OK, so. idioticonion wrote a future!fic where Barney dies called Valentine. Then da_phoenix13 wrote a cracky zombie sequel called "Shot Through the Heart" (parts one and two). IO, phoenix, and darlingchaos (aka the usual suspects) have been riffing the hell out of it lately, so I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon. Proof that I am the single least original person ever. Anyway, this starts off as fluff, but then takes a hard right turn into angst. So, be warned.

ETA: Also, this is my fiftieth fan fic on LJ. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. :P

Title: As Long As We Both Shall Live
Fandom: HIMYM (Zombie!AU)
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 470
Warning: zombie themes
Summary: Barney hasn't asked her to marry him since he came back from the dead.

Barney hadn’t asked her to marry him since he’d died.

The realization hit Robin all of a sudden, out of nowhere. When she thought about it, she felt silly – it’s not as if they ever were going to get married, even when they both had a pulse. But whenever the thought came back to her, she felt a little sick.

So, one night, when she was lying on his chest (he didn’t have a heartbeat. That freaked her out, when Barney first came back to life, or whatever this was, but she’d gotten used to it, as strange as that sounds), she had to ask.

“Barney?”

“Robin.”

“Will you marry me?”

Barney lifted his head and stared at her, quizzically. “Of course not.”

“What? What do you mean, ‘of course not’?” Robin sat up. “Barney, you asked me that every day for years, and now you won’t?”

“We can’t get married.”

“Give me one good reason why not.”

“Well, for one thing, I’m legally dead,” Barney said, as if she should’ve thought of that before. “I mean, I don’t know if the laws have caught up with the zombie phenomenon, but I’m pretty sure that you can’t marry a dead person.”

“Oh.” It’s the only thing that she can think of to say. “Um. OK.”

She snuggled back down, her arms draped over Barney. As she fell asleep, Barney brushed a strand of hair from her face.

“Besides,” he said. “They’d have to think up of whole new vows for us, because ‘till death do us part’ doesn’t really work anymore.”

She smiled before she closed her eyes and fell asleep. Barney, not being able to sleep, watched her. He sighed.

Even if it was legal, he still couldn’t go through with it. Marriage meant too much. Even if he and Robin had never wanted kids, and even if they’d been too old to have them before he’d died, they’d never taken the final steps to prevent conception. They’d never wanted a normal life together, but getting married would just remind them that they never could.

He and Robin had never wanted those sorts of things out of life. But if they took that step, if they got married, it would just be a painful reminder of how many doors had closed.

And Barney couldn’t stand there and promise that he’d be with her until death did them part when he didn’t know if death (real death, this time) would come tomorrow or next week or ever. It’d be like lying. And he’d never lied to her before.

So Barney just put an arm around Robin and stared at the ceiling. He’d just have to let her think that the reason why they weren’t married was because of the law.